Parent concerned about sharing past with kids

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am worried about how my kids will perceive me when they find out about my foolish past. I made some mistakes when I was younger that I unfortunately cannot undo. As soon as you search my name on Google, several articles show up surrounding one particular incident. I was able to get over how this will affect employment opportunities in the future and how I will form new relationships. What I cannot get over is how my mistake may affect my children. When and how should I talk to them about my past? — Foolish Past

DEAR FOOLISH PAST:

Get ahead of this in the sense that you need to talk to your children before they — or their friends — stumble upon the information first. That means probably by the time they are between 8 and 10. Kids use the internet from toddler age, but they research a lot more as they get older. It's best for you to frame the narrative, let them know that in the past you made a serious mistake that has had lasting repercussions. While your life now is good and on course, it is true that your past remains a part of your reality. Tell them in simple terms what happened and how you have made amends for your mistake. Allow them to ask you any questions that they may have. Then help them figure out what to say if anyone brings it up to them.

This is a teaching opportunity. Your past proves that mistakes can create major and sometimes devastating consequences. Teach your children the importance of thinking things all the way through and looking to figure out the end result of their actions before they take them.

DEAR HARRIETTE:

My boyfriend is always talking about how much he dislikes a female co-worker of his. It's becoming a constant thing. I heard that when a man is constantly bashing a woman, this could be a sign that he's secretly attracted to her. When I asked him if this could be a possibility, he became super defensive about it. He was offended that I would even suggest that he was be attracted to another woman. His defensiveness didn't help his argument at all. Am I right to be suspicious? — Leave Her Alone

DEAR LEAVE HER ALONE:

When children behave in that way, adults often suspect that there are lingering feelings of attraction lurking just under the surface. The running joke when I was little was that the boy who picked on a girl, calling her names, even taunting her, was the one with a crush on her. Here's the thing: Even if that is true for your boyfriend, there's nothing you can do about it. If that's the case, it is living in his subconscious right now. When it comes to the fore, he will have to deal with it. Any comments you make will fall on deaf ears for the time being. Isn't that what you are experiencing?

What you can contribute to the conversation is to remind your boyfriend that he should check his strong emotions about her — or about anybody else at work. Stay calm. Do your job. Stop obsessing. That's the professional way to react to extreme emotions around a co-worker. Anything else may lead to unprofessional repercussions down the line.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.