Fashionable friend constantly criticizes clothing

DEAR HARRIETTE:

I have a friend who is very judgmental. Whenever I see her, the first thing she does is size me up, pointing out things that I should fix so to appear more pulled together. Because she works in the fashion industry, I have let her remarks slide, but I am getting tired of it.

Think about it: If I am already out ready for a nice evening and my friend greets me with criticism, it's hard for me to feel as good about myself as I did right before seeing her. I'm not trying to be in competition with anyone, but I also don't want to feel like I'm constantly doing something wrong. How can I get my friend to stop? — Keep Your Comments to Yourself

DEAR KEEP YOUR COMMENTS TO YOURSELF:

Check your friend the next time you see her. Before she jumps in with comments, greet her and tell her how happy you are to see her. The moment she begins with a criticism, interrupt her midsentence and tell her you aren't interested in her fashion commentary today. You can say it lightly or sharply — whatever the moment calls for — as long as you stop her. You can change the subject and comment on something you like about her look, ask her a question or turn to another person in the group and speak to them. If she won't back down and attempts to make another comment about how you look, make eye contact and ask her to please stop; you feel great about how you look, and you are not interested in listening to whatever insult she is about to send your way.

DEAR HARRIETTE:

I post a lot on social media. I recently spoke to a friend I haven't seen in a while, and he asked if I had lost weight based on my recent postings. I told him that I'm working on it, which is true, but now I am nervous to see him. I may have lost 5 pounds or so, but I look much bigger in person — you know how those little boxes look on social media or Zoom. How can I feel confident about seeing him when I know I am still overweight? — The Real Me

DEAR THE REAL ME:

Most of us haven't seen people at all or much since the pandemic sent us home. Seeing people through photographs or in "Hollywood Squares"-style boxes doesn't present a full picture of how we look. That is true for your friend as well. Hopefully his question about your weight was meant as a positive. Hopefully he was encouraging you and noting that you look good. He probably could have used better words for it.

Just be yourself. Accept the body you are in, and dress yourself as best as you can. That's true for meeting up with him or anybody else. Put your best foot forward. It can feel awkward putting yourself out there after so much time hidden away at home, but being with people is worth whatever anxiety you might initially feel. Get out and have a good time, and work on your health so that you can be as vibrant as possible.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.