Husband won't contribute to son's college expenses
DEAR HARRIETTE:
My son is in college, and the trips to visit him or bring him home for breaks and holidays are expensive. Recently, my husband asked me how much his spring break flight cost. When I told him, he hit the ceiling. This is not news. We talked about what college would cost before my son went there. My husband seems to be totally checked out. He made one contribution to the boy's college bills and then seemingly washed his hands of the issue.
Grumbling about costs now — especially when he's not making a single effort to help pay the bills — irks me to no end. I don't need to hear about how expensive college is. I would appreciate more financial support, though. Oh yeah, and he has some money. He could give something if he wanted to, but he doesn't believe in college, so he is reluctant to contribute. — Please Help DEAR PLEASE HELP: While your husband may not be a fan of college per se, I bet he appreciates seeing his son when he comes home. Approach him from that angle, so that he doesn't feel like you are asking for help with tuition expenses. Tell him how much you would appreciate him helping to defray the cost of your son's flight. Suggest, too, that he give your son some cash when he comes home so that he has money to hang out with his friends and get around. Go a step further and invite your husband to continue to send your son money when he's back at school. It doesn't have to be a lot, but any contribution will help make the financial burden lighter on you. DEAR HARRIETTE: An ex-boyfriend of mine, someone I dated a few years ago, is often in my town visiting his new girlfriend. Despite the fact that we were dating, we were also good friends, so we managed to remain friends afterward. Recently, he asked me if we could have dinner together when he visits town — without his girlfriend present. Would it be inappropriate to have dinner with him? — Still Friends
DEAR STILL FRIENDS: It is possible to be friends with an ex, but you do need to establish boundaries. It should be fine for you to go to one dinner with your ex to see what he wants to talk to you about and get a sense of where his life is today. Naturally, the dynamic would change if another person were around, especially his girlfriend. So it could be fine to have time to talk alone. But get clear with him about what he wants, and create an understanding of what is OK for you. What you don't want is to establish a precedent that allows the two of you to see each other independent of her on a regular basis — at least not without her blessing. If you two truly want to remain friends, you will need to build a rapport with her as well so that everything is on the up-and-up and nobody feels jealous or lied to.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.