Man feels he did irreparable damage to relationship with longtime fiancee
DEAR ANNIE » Several months ago, my fiancee of two years announced that she wanted to date other people. Although I knew things had not been good between us, I was devastated.
We met on the Internet, and I saw that she was back on the same website. I talked to her, hoping she would give me a sign that she wanted to get back together, but she said she wanted to see other men and that I should see other women. I was desperate and even logged onto her page on the dating website, hoping to get through to her. After a few days of her not responding, I started getting messages from other women. I made a date with one of them, and we ended up having sex afterward.
I felt terrible about it. I called the woman and told her I couldn’t see her anymore because I was still in love with someone else. I continued to call and text my ex, even though I knew she was seeing other men. This went on for about six weeks.
Last week, my ex and I had a wonderful day together and ended up cuddling under a blanket on her sofa. Things started to get romantic, and she asked if I had been out with or had sex with anyone. I answered truthfully. She became angry and said she did not want to see me again.
While I’m not making excuses for something I should not have done, I am confused by her attitude. She said she expected me to know that she still loved me, even though she never responded when I tried to get back together. Why did she insist that we date other people? Am I as bad as she is making me out to be? I don’t know what to say that I haven’t already said.
— Heart Torn Out
DEAR HEART » We suggest saying “goodbye and good riddance.” Your ex wasn’t satisfied with you nor committed to your relationship. If you got back together, we suspect she would break your heart repeatedly. She also expects you to read her mind, which is unfair and manipulative, and gives her a reason to leave whenever she gets bored. We agree that you should not have hopped in the sack with the first woman you met, but you were essentially unattached and free to do as you pleased. We know you are heartbroken, but we hope you can also see that you dodged a bullet with this woman. You deserve to find someone who cherishes and respects you.
DEAR ANNIE » “Not a Creepy Guy” said his son’s fiancee thinks he’s creepy, for no particular reason. Another reader said all young women think middle-aged guys are creepy.
I am a woman in my mid-30s and I have worked in health care for the past 10 years. I have discovered that any amount of polite, friendly attention can quickly turn a man, no matter his age, into Mr. Creepy. I have been grabbed and cornered and had to endure inappropriate comments. Now I do not treat any man as a safe and respectable human being. — Better Safe Than Sorry
DEAR BETTER » We have to wonder what men you are encountering that they are ALL like this. You should never have to tolerate being grabbed and cornered, but your experience seems so lopsided that you might want to reconsider your work environment.
We suggest saying “goodbye and good riddance.”