Dining out with your kids
Remember what it was like before you had kids and going out to dinner was an enjoyable, relaxing experience? Enter the kids. Suddenly, the thought of bringing them into a restaurant during the first five years of their life brings fear and panic.
Why? Because we have all witnessed unruly kids in a restaurant and vowed not to be that parent. However, with these simple rules, you can dine freely and enjoyably with your kids knowing you won’t disrupt others around you. Many parents struggle with their children’s tendencies to be demanding when eating out at restaurants. Sometimes it’s behavioral, such as sibling fights, whining, complaining or maybe even a tantrum. Or, behavior can be demanding, particularly from a picky eater or an overweight child who is demanding certain unhealthy foods. Each of these problems can be handled remarkably well with a simple, straightforward approach where you become parents of action, and few words, when it comes to managing problem situations. With the childhood obesity epidemic, and the need to manage our children’s eating patterns better, it is essential to learn how to manage our own actions and choices as we try to teach our children appropriate behavior and encourage them to get healthy. It is best to view your child’s response to these new “Restaurant Rules” just as you would view their response to learning a new sport. They need opportunities to learn, which means they need practice. Once you have put these powerful strategies into place, you will need to PLAN on 2-5 meals out that are “training trips.” In each of these “training trips” the kids will learn that you are serious, and that these new rules come with consequences. If you have more than one child, it will be easier if you make sure you have two adults with you during these “training trips.” After this expect smooth and peaceful eating ahead!
Dr. Cale’s Restaurant Rules For Kids
1. We only eat in peace. You get one warning .. and it’s “Strike One.”
With this rule, you explain to the kids that they will be free to eat in the restaurant, as long as there is no complaining, whining, hitting, kicking, yelling, tantrums, etc. The first, and ONLY THE FIRST, time you see the kids start to get out of hand, let them know, “It’s strike One.”
2. When you don’t eat in peace, you leave for Strike Two. If they break the rule about eating in peace, Mom or Dad will walk them to the car immediately (food hot or not) for a time-out. Let them know the specific details: There must be five minutes of quiet, before you return to the restaurant. Remind your child, “Strike two. One more, and you’re out.”
3. When you don’t eat in peace again, strike three and you’re out! Here, Mom or Dad returns to the car and waits until everyone else is done. It’s strike three, and NO FOOD is taken home for the child/children sitting in the car; allow them to skip this meal. They’ll survive and will begin to learn that you are serious about your new rules.
4. Repeat this several times. For most kids, they get that you are serious the first time you follow through. Yet, some of you have more challenging kids. They may need 3-4-5 trips to the car before they realize you are serious. But stay consistent. They will get it if you also keep in mind the parent restaurant rules.
Restaurant Rules for Parents
1. Don’t do this unless you are serious.
You don’t want to put new rules in place, unless you mean business. It undermines your credibility and your effectiveness. 2. Be consistent. Regardless of the situ- ation, or your level of fatigue, be consistent. Follow through not expecting immediate perfection, but, instead, expecting your kids to learn from the consequences not the threat of the consequences. That’s really important!
3. Don’t nag, lecture, remind and constantly correct. In other words, don’t keep investing your energy in the very behavior you don’t want! Instead, just ignore the little stuff. Focus your attention elsewhere when the small stuff is present. Instead…
4. Become obsessed with noticing the kids when they are pleasant and appropriate. Notice when they are reading, talking quietly or drawing a picture. Just a smile or a touch or a nod WHILE they are doing what you want. Invest your energy in what you cherish and value in small and consistently subtle ways. In this way, the healthy behavior can grow.
5. Follow the rules impeccably. When the kids’ behavior has broken the rule, give one, and only one warning. Let them know, “It’s strike one.” Then, if they fail to eat in peace, it’s out to the car immediately, even if the food just arrived, and remain impeccable in your follow-through. If it’s both kids, then out to the car with both of them. This is how the kids will learn. Not from your threats, but from actually FEELING the consequences. So don’t expect mastery from the rules, expect mastery only when the kids have had several opportunities to learn from the consequences of the new rules. With many parents planning spring break vacations this month, you can now enjoy eating out with the kids in peace.