Five Questions

5 Questions with Tabitha Dunn: Dunn was recently named service director of Unity House’s Domestic Violence Services programs. She first joined Unity House in 2001 to provide babysitting for children while their mothers attended counseling meetings. In her nearly 17years with Unity House, she has held several positions, including overnight counselor, case manager, family counselor, assistant service director and now service director of domestic violence services.

1 What was your first introduction to Unity House? Did you really start working there as a babysitter?

I have always had a personal interest in helping victims of domestic violence so when I was 17I decided that I would start by volunteering to provide childcare during DV support groups so women could feel free to attend. It was a wonderful experience and I was able to observe positive changes in the women and their children from my limited perspective. As soon as I turned 18, I applied to be respite staff at the DV shelter and was hired. It did not take long for me to realize that I loved this work and wanted to be able to contribute in a more substantial ways. Since then I have worked almost every type of position we have here in the DV program.

2 How do you help teenagers understand dating violence?

Working with youth is a particular passion of mine. In order to create change around issues of domestic and dating violence we need to start with our youth. Connecting to youth on the topics of healthy relationships and dating violence can be challenging, so we focus on keeping it real and relevant to their lives. It always starts and ends with social media and whatever is meaningful to them. If you can connect over music, movies, sports or some other topic, that opens the door to more meaningful conversations about healthy relationships and domestic and

dating violence. Our youth are experiencing all kinds of issues on a day-to-day basis, including dating violence, community violence, sexual violence and stalking. I am constantly amazed by the level of knowledge they already possess. We help them to understand domestic and dating violence by answering the difficult questions, talking about the topics that are relevant to them and providing opportunities for them to feel heard and express their experiences without judgement.

3 With increased media attention on domestic violence issues, is it easier for victims to seek help? Increased media attention has both positive and negative effects. On a positive note, increased media helps raise community awareness about the epidemic of domestic violence and does spread hotline numbers and other resources. Raising awareness is key, especially for our youth. As a community we must become intolerant and unaccepting of abuse, and I do think that in- creased media exposure helps. However, some media can present victims in a negative light by focusing on why they don’t leave or that they went back without adequately informing the public about why these things happen. Supportive resources like those offered at Unity House are lifesaving, but we must remember that leaving an abuser is never an easy process for a victim and may even decrease safety. In fact, one of the most unsafe times for victims is when they are planning to leave or just after they have left their abuser. In addition to fear of and acts of retaliation, victims have to overcome numerous other issues, including fear of and actually losing their children, cultural and social norms that prohibit divorce, and financial factors to name a few. Because the media doesn’t always do a good job explaining the barriers, victim blaming can occur.

4 What advice would you give a victim to help her leave an abusive situation? Leaving a DV situation may actually put the victim at greater risk. When working with victims and survivors the most important thing to remember is safety planning. The first thing I would advise any victim is to create an individualized safety plan. Safety planning is not a one size fits all process. Each person has different challenges and safety issues to overcome. A good piece of information to provide a victim who is planning on leaving is to contact the local DV program so they can obtain assistance in developing a comprehensive safety plan, as well as become aware of their rights and available resources.

5 Do you see many “success stories,” where a victim leaves her abuser and eventually finds real happiness?

Across my 17years in this field I have seen countless “success stories” where a victim is able to leave and start a new life full of safety, hope and joy. With that being said, I believe the measure of success for most victims is about finding safety or peace of mind. For others, it’s about finding their own voice and feeling empowered to make their own decisions. In my experience, victims must first find hope which, in turn, leads to safety and success. As a program and as a professional, I believe that the measure of success is defined by each client and their own unique circumstances.