Re­pon­dez right now

The Record (Troy, NY) - - YOUR DAILY BREAK - An­nie Lane

DEAR­AN­NIE » You get lots of ques­tions about wed­dings af­ter the fact. Here’s one that’s be­fore the prob­lem hap­pens so you can ad­vise us. We’re get­ting mar­ried in June.

We sent out about 100 in­vi­ta­tions, each with a note re­quest­ing a re­ply by June 1. So far, we’ve got­ten only a hand­ful of re­sponses. As I’m writ­ing to you, there’s still plenty of time, but what do we do come mid-June with peo­ple who haven’t re­sponded one way or the other? Is it tact­ful to contact peo­ple, maybe pre­tend­ing that we think their in­vi­ta­tions got lost in the mail? If we do contact peo­ple, should we call or write a let­ter or email or what? Ob­vi­ously, the caterer needs to know the num­ber of peo­ple, and we need to de­cide on the seat­ing ar­range­ments.

— Soon-to-Be Wed

DEAR-SOON-TO-BEWED » Con­grat­u­la­tions on your near­ing nup­tials! It’s cus­tom­ary to start go­ing down the guest list and call­ing any­one whose re­sponse you still haven’t re­ceived two days af­ter the dead­line. (So if there’s any­one you haven’t heard from by now, it’s time to get di­al­ing.) Take note of guests’ meal pref­er­ences so you can get that in­for­ma­tion to the caterer ASAP, though the guests should still mail back their replies, too.

And let this be a re­minder to any­one read­ing this who’s got an RSVP card gath­er­ing dust on the fridge. An anx­ious cou­ple is await­ing your re­ply.

DEAR­AN­NIE » I was kind of dis­ap­pointed that un­der reader pres­sure, you re­tracted your ad­vice to “Miffed,” the jeal­ous wife who ob­jected to her hus­band’s pla­tonic friend­ship with a fe­male co-worker. I thought you had it right the first time.

Per­haps it is be­cause I am a man that I sym­pa­thized with the hus­band, and per­haps it is log­i­cal that your fe­male read­ers would in­stead re­act by say­ing, “If there’s smoke, there’s fire.” But the thing that jumped out at me in “Miffed’s” let­ter was that she did not think there was any­thing “funny” go- ing on be­tween her hus­band and his co-worker; she just did not like it that he had a fe­male friend. That “Miffed” would jump in a car and drive all over town to catch her hus­band in a lie when she didn’t think there was any­thing un­to­ward go­ing on strikes me as pretty zany be­hav­ior, and their marriage must be a night­mare. What would we be say­ing if it were a hus­band act­ing that way to­ward his wife?

The idea that men and women can’t be just friends is out­moded fool­ish­ness, but many still be­lieve it, un­for­tu­nately. I sus­pect that “Miffed’s” hus­band will in­deed leave her some­day, but it won’t be be­cause of the co­worker.

I would like to say more, but I know I need to keep it short. If you use this, just sign me “Some­where in Ari­zona.”

DEAR SOME­WHERE IN ARI­ZONA » I’ll re­frain from flip-flop­ping, but I do want to share your let­ter with read­ers. The more per­spec­tives the fuller the pic­ture. Thank you for writ­ing.

“Ask Me Any­thing: A Year of Ad­vice From Dear An­nie” is out now! An­nie Lane’s de­but book — fea­tur­ing fa­vorite col­umns on love, friend­ship, fam­ily and eti­quette — is avail­able as a pa­per­back and e-book. Visit http:// www.cre­ator­spub­lish­ing.com for more in­for­ma­tion. Send your ques­tions for An­nie Lane to dear­an­nie@cre­ators.com.

Con­grat­u­la­tions on your near­ing nup­tials! It’s cus­tom­ary to start go­ing down the guest list and call­ing any­one whose re­sponse you still haven’t re­ceived two days af­ter the dead­line.

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