Parents bragging about their kids
I got really lucky a few weeks ago when one of my graduate school classmates found me on Linkedln. It has been over thirty years since I have spoken with or seen Manny Staiano. He remembered me very well because he said I always made him laugh.
After chatting on the phone we agreed to meet in Queens, his current home. He is originally from the Bronx. I know you know what the feeling is like when you greet an old friend. No handshakes for me. I embraced him like a long lost brother. We talked at length about our careers, family, and life’s disappointments. It was wonderful.
A few days ago, I contacted him again for some help with my column. I said, “I am working on one on pedophilia (my third in a series) but it is Track Season and probably too serious for summer reading. “I had a short list of other possible topics but none caught my attention. Even though we haven’t seen each other for a while he knows how I think and sent me this idea.
“Almost invariably at social gatherings, I hear this mostly from mothers who proclaim to the heavens how great their children are and what they have accomplished. It used to be that only grandparents would be so proud of their grandchildren and bore you to death with photos. Today, you will have a mother go on and on about her kids and if you should mention your child’s accomplishments, they immediately go right back to their kid, leaving your child bereft of praise, which invariably again makes their child always greater and better than your kid.. They can’t allow you to have some praise and reward. It is a very competitive, envious and destructive communication.”
Manny’s comments really stimulated thought in my monkey mind because I wrote a recent column about people measuring each other’s personal worth by job status. Yes, here we go again a nation of inadequates trying to get attention through their kids. Ok, maybe that is a stretch but what do you want from me? I taught Psychology courses for three decades.
When I wrote the other column I mentioned that I have been telling new people I meet that I am a retired taxidermist who specializes in exotic animals like komodo dragons. I will now make up some story about how my two boys ages 18 and 25 are doing.
I will say that Nick, after graduating from Harvard Law School, decided the legal field wasn’t for him so he quit his job at a prominent Wall Street firm. Recently, after finishing medical school he became disenchanted again by his career choice and is running for public office in Utah.
Jackson, not to be outdone by his brother, has been in NASA’s unique junior astronaut program since he was eight years old. Jackson was also selected as junior astronaut of the year by the Department of Defense. When he turns nineteen he will start his formal training as a pilot. Jackson speaks six languages including Pashto, Greek, Italian, Hindi, and Chinese. This is believable. All I have to do is keep a straight face.
I recall hearing parents complaining to me about their son when I was on vacation in Aruba a while ago. They lamented that he had a MBA from Syracuse University but quit his prestigious job in Manhattan to follow his passion. “Where is he working now?” I inquired. “Out there” the father said as he pointed to the ocean. “He makes jewelry and lives on a houseboat.” I thought to myself here is a kid to be proud of. He owns his own business, lives in the Caribbean and loves his work. I think the parents were, “Out there.”