Fade to Gray: Looking low

One of the unexpected gifts of 2020 has been a forced change in our chaotic sometimes destructive lives. By that I mean, because of COVID and lockdowns, there has been no option to go out three nights a week for some people, less money for vices, fewer chances to do stupid things.

The change has, no doubt, left them spending more time with family and, in some cases, themselves. A little “alone time” for self-reflection isn’t always a bad thing. It’s hard to ignore the demons and bad choices when the noise of our world is turned down and it’s just you and them sitting on opposite sides of the couch staring at each other. Acknowledgement breeds progress.

This spring and summer my wife and I spent more time walking and holding hands than we had in the previous ten years I knew her. Being on top of each other in the house for nine months brought on some disagreements but there was a hidden solace and a real closeness on the other side. I’ve always thought not having neighbors six feet away, especially in the summer when the screen windows are in, is a good thing.

Now that the vaccine is here and we have another president coming into the story, I’m hopeful we can dial down the bile and remember how we used to be okay with someone if they voted for the other guy or gal. A lot of that wasn’t Donald Trump’s fault. I think he was a convenient excuse for people to jump on social media and treat each other like crap. If they were ever called out on it, they could simply say, “Yeah, but did you see what he tweeted?”

That excuse always reminded me of the kid who got a 56 on his 9th grade history test but exclaimed to their parents, “I know I failed but everyone else in class got a 40.” As if lowering other people somehow makes you taller.

I’m hopeful 2021 will not only be a return to civility but normalcy as well. If enough of us get one of the vaccines, I’d like to think by the summer we’ll find ourselves sitting without masks in restaurants and theaters, breathing in air without the fear it contains some toxin that will separate us from our loved ones.

No matter how old you get, 2020 will be the year you look back on and shake your head with disgust. It stunk in so many ways, not the least of which was the lives it took and time it stole away from all of us. Live to be 200 if you can but you’ll never get this year back.

On a positive note, it has also recalibrated who the heroes are in this world. Yes, Jimmy the kid who is socially awkward and puts on ear buds with music blasting as he stocks the supermarket shelves all night long; THAT KID is the real hero. He always has been but we never noticed.

Doctors and nurses too of course, for the horrendous task we dumped on their doorstep during his pandemic, asking them to come nose to nose with a virus that could kill them and then not complain if the pay isn’t quite enough or the PPE is late in arriving. Jesus, do we owe our medical workers a debt we’ll never repay.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t also give a well-deserved “atta-boy” to our truck drivers and delivery people who kept us going month after month during this disaster.

I don’t know how many businesses will be standing when this is finally over. The same way COVID attacked a compromised body, this pandemic showed cruelty to any small business that was already weak and wavering. I wish Congress had sent the lion’s share of the relief money to those folks, instead of giving any of it to people living outside our borders but when it comes to our politicians, they never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity.

So, here we are, a few days left in this awful year we’d all care to forget. If you are alive and financially stable, I guess you have to take that as a victory and move on. Trust me, there are so many others who can’t say that.

2020 did cause me to read much more than I used to and I came upon a statement by a man named Carl Yung. He said that modern man can’t find God because he doesn’t look low enough. Not high enough, LOW enough.

I think this virus brought us all to our knees and down from that vantage it is easier to look low. I did see God, not in the heavens, but in the ICU nurses holding a dying patient’s hand. I saw God in the volunteers who set up food drives. I saw it in the teacher who had a little boy who could not learn over the computer, so she drove to his house and taught him in the driveway.

If you are reading this, I want to wish you a happy healthy New Year. You made it and that’s something, if not to celebrate, to at least acknowledge with quiet gratitude.