Children need their mother

A year ago, our son, “Don,” discovered that his wife of eight years was cheating on him. It came as a shock to all of us. Don was devastated and angry, and quickly divorced his wife and got full custody of their three young children. He sold their home and bought one closer to us. It was obvious that he wanted to punish her. Our tight-knit family offered to help in any way.

Don’s ex-wife, a woman we loved and cherished, became Public Enemy No. 1. She tried to call us a few times, but Don told the family, politely, that we should not answer her calls, and if she knocked on the door, we shouldn’t open it. He said it would be best for him and his kids if we ignored her. I said I would do my best.

The problem is, I have been in communication with Don’s ex. She sees me as her only friend. Don won’t let her near the children. He says he doesn’t want them to think cheating is OK. She was so depressed, I couldn’t turn her down.

If Don found out we were in touch, he would be furious and would never trust me again. My husband wants me to cut off ties with her, but she is so helpless and sad. What do I do? ing to your son. Either tell him the truth or cease communication with your ex-daughter-in-law.

However, it is wrong of Don to prevent his ex from seeing the children. He is still angry and hurt, but in punishing her, he is also punishing them. They need their mother. They will not mistake her presence for approval to cheat. The divorce is sufficient for them to understand how destructive her behavior was.

Urge him to put his kids first and work out a civil relationship with their mother. They may otherwise grow up feeling abandoned and angry, and if they ever learn that it was Dad who kept Mom away, they may never forgive him. If he needs counseling to reach that point, encourage him to get it.

Please stop ly-

I’d like to add to your response to “S,” who asked how to address an envelope to a couple who are both doctors. My situation is slightly different.

I am a physician. My husband does not have a doctoral degree of any kind. The proper way to address a formal envelope to us is “Dr. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe,” or “Dr. Jane and Mr. John Doe.”

Most envelopes to us are addressed incorrectly. Many say “Mrs. and Dr. John Doe.” Hopefully this will clarify things.