Dad wants to help daughter

Dear Annie: My daughter, an eighth-grader, had always enjoyed going to school until recently.

She has many friends and has always received straight A’s.

My wife and I have heard from some of her friends’ parents that she is being bullied by two of the popular girls, both online and with gossip behind her back.

We have no evidence of the online bullying, as it has been erased.

My daughter confirms the bullying and says one of the girls even gets in her face at school, flips her off and calls her names.

She doesn’t want us to get involved, because she thinks that would make it even worse, so she goes about her business, smiles and attempts to be cordial with the girls. I see these two often at sporting events, and we have spoken to the mother of one of them before, so I am considering speaking to her about it despite my daughter’s wishes.

Their fathers are out of the picture; one is in jail.

And neither mother seems to have much control or the ability to enforce discipline, so I don’t know whether my discussion would make a difference.

Should I speak to the girls themselves (individually) in a nonconfrontational way about why they are doing this?

Do you have any suggestions on how to handle this situation?

Desperate Dad

Dear Desperate Dad: Your daughter needs help, but only in a way that comes from someone else.

Have you talked to her teachers or school administrators? Most schools are determined to prevent bullying.

The adults need to be sensitive of the need to keep you and your daughter out of it so it doesn’t look as if your daughter came crying to Daddy to fight her battles.

At the same time, encourage the school administrators to talk to your daughter’s friends and their parents to find out the facts so they can confront the bullies to make sure they stop. If they don’t, you might consider finding a new school. There are too many stories involving teenage bullying that have tragic endings. Your awareness and sensitivity are extraordinary and might well save your daughter from something serious.