The Register Citizen (Torrington, CT)

Mom’s hoarding is troubling

- Annie Lane Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

Dear Annie: My mother is 79 years old. She hoards food. She admits that she has a problem, but she can’t seem to stop buying food for the freezer. She has a huge chest freezer and two smaller freezers that are stuffed full of food. If she would still be cooking for big family gettogethe­rs, I could understand why she would want to store extra food.

I realize that I don’t have any right to tell her how to spend her money. My problem is that I know there are family members who could use this food. When she does cook for us, the food always tastes freezer-burnt. How do we tell her that her food has freezer burn when she is being kind in cooking us a meal?

Troubled by Hoarding

Dear Troubled by Hoarding: It’s time to unfreeze the tension with a warm and honest conversati­on with your mom. Tell her how you feel about the expired food. Most frozen food lasts up to three months before it starts to show signs of freezer burn. Show understand­ing for her fears while helping her to make a few adjustment­s, but don’t expect miracles.

Dear Annie: Our 50-year-old daughter was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and a personalit­y disorder about 10 years ago. In her early 30s, she started imagining many things and divorced her husband. She hears people telling her absurd ideas and insists they are hurting her. We tried to advise her, but any mention of mental illness is rejected. She takes some financial help from us and her brother but refuses to go on disability and is homeless, working when she can at temp agencies. My husband and I are in our late 70s and find her personalit­y to be very difficult at times. We’re in the South, and she is in the Northeast. We do go to National Alliance on Mental Illness meetings for support, but we worry constantly. We’re flying her down this week for a short visit. Any advice? Worried Parents

Dear Worried Parents: It’s wonderful you’re attending NAMI meetings. Keep it up. The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance is another organizati­on you might find helpful. Its website (http:// www.dbsallianc­e.org) offers diverse resources.

As long as your daughter is not a danger to herself or others, I’d encourage you and your husband to try to focus more on yourselves and your own mental health.

And if you ever do feel that your daughter is at immediate risk, dial 911.

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