Reader is unwilling reference

Dear Annie: A couple of years ago, a friend put me in touch with her friend “Margaret,” who had just started her own boutique marketing and public relations firm. I ended up hiring Margaret to help promote my new business. She was going to pitch articles about it to a few local publications, as well as some blogs, and she agreed to write copy for my website. All in all, I ended up paying her a few thousand dollars yet really had nothing to show for it. She never got any press for the business. She wrote a few hundred words of copy for my site. And she posted about the business on her own blog. I was disappointed but didn’t want to bother confronting her about it.

Well, recently I got an email from Margaret. She wants to know whether she can use me as a reference for a potential client. I was pretty incredulous that she’d ask me for a reference after doing such a half-baked job for me. I don’t want to be rude, but I really don’t feel comfortable serving as a reference. How do I handle this?

Not Impressed

Dear Not Impressed: You’re already doing her a kindness by not saying yes and telling her would-be client the truth. Tell Margaret that you don’t feel comfortable serving as a reference, and leave it at that. She may ask you what she could have done differently to better serve your needs. Be honest. Dear Annie: I have never written to a column such as yours, but the letter from “Tormented and Distressed” — a high school senior who wrote in about past sexual abuse and her fear of male medical professionals — changed everything. I am a retired critical care nurse, and what she describes about alleged male nurses is both horrifying and not typical of the wonderful professionals I know.

I am so sorry about what happened to her at the hands of her mother’s boyfriend. “Tormented and Distressed” needs to address her fears about male medical professionals. We never know when a medical emergency will occur involving us. The last thing one needs in any medical emergency is paranoia about the sex of the person or people caring for you. If you refuse care from a male doctor or nurse, he has to honor this, but your life may be in danger while waiting for a woman.

Been There, Too

Dear Been There, Too: You make a great point. This is yet another reason it’s important for “Tormented and Distressed” to seek help in processing her past abuse. Thank you for sharing.