Cuomo shows men may finally get the message

I have been chatting with my daughter and stepdaughter lately about sexual harassment and the accusations toward New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo. I enjoy talking with youth and learning their perception of current issues. They contrast with my adult (old) way of seeing things gives me a better-rounded view of life.

I have asked them, with big hopes to receive a different answer, if they feel that young men are more respectful to women than other generations are. They have answered that their friends are, and things have gotten better, but that not all young men have the same kind of respect for women and some still treat them as disposable.

Change takes time, but when I learned about Cuomo’s resignation, I was interested to see what kind of reactions the media was having to his decision. To my surprise, I saw a more balanced approach to acknowledging the victims’ rights coming forward (disclosure: I did not check out Fox News.)

Although Cuomo spent the second half of his speech calling the whole thing nonsense, saying this is not about the facts or the truth, but a politically motivated move, I have personally decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. It is not because I do not believe the victims of his harassment, but because I guess I am getting older and more compliant, as usually happens when you get tired of yelling out loud about an issue that so many people would prefer to ignore.

Nevertheless, I was still alarmed to hear Cuomo’s apology-but-no-apology resignation speech. In it, his mea culpa is underlined with phrases like “I don’t recall doing it, but if she said I did it, I believe her,” “I didn’t do it consciously,” “I just wasn’t thinking … it was totally thoughtless” “it was a mistake, plain and simple.” He is pleading his case to a generational and cultural change. “There are generational and cultural shifts that I just didn’t fully appreciate, and I should have. No excuses.”

I get it; at one point in time, calling a woman sweetheart, honey and darling was thought of as endearing. Unwanted touches were received with surprise but not reprimanded. Behaviors that suppressed women were believed to be the natural order of things. Even presidents of the United States have been accused of slipping unwanted kisses and touches. Unfortunately, for many generations, perhaps up to Gen X-ers, women were socialized to accept this, even if it felt a bit creepy inside. Consequently, women in this age group (40 and up) tend to have different levels of tolerance to it.

But this is no longer the case. It is time to change, and those who resist it better step it up now. Younger generations have a lower tolerance to harassment. They have been witnesses to the “Me Too” movement. They have grown up seeing so many women daring to speak about their sexual abuse and harassment experiences. Although they might not yet be totally equipped to know what to do when something like this happens, they are better prepared to recognize harassment sooner. They know that feeling uncomfortable when interacting with a man should not be normalized.

Yes, Cuomo should have known better. He surrounded himself with people that understood the issue and endorsed the prominent Time’s Up organization in New York. He learned firsthand about what men should not be doing and supported legislation to raise the bar on regulations for sexual violence. Yet he failed to adjust his behavior at work, where he held power over the 11 victims in the report, and for that, it is appropriate that he steps down.

This is not a war against men. Not all of them display this kind of behavior, and many are supporters of women’s rights. But for those that still have not gotten the memo, please listen to what we have been trying to tell you for years: Keep your hands and your unsolicited comments to yourself. Contrary to what you might think, women never welcomed them and now are not afraid to speak up about it.

Ivonne Zucco is the founder and CEO of A Better Story Coaching, a Connecticut-based career transformational coaching service, and has been involved in causes supporting victims of sexual violence for over 12 years. She can be reached at info@abetterstorycoaching.com.