If I could just Photoshop the world

There are a lot of serious ethical issues for us to be worried about. I’m reminded of them every time I read the news, but I often avoid discussing them because they depress me.

fter reading a question that a parent sent to The Ethicist at the New York Times, I started thinking about the big ethical issues in my own life.

Name Withheld asked him, “Can I edit pink hair out of my daughter’s wedding photos?”

The parent claimed the woman’s pink hair was a distraction and competed with the bride and groom. I could have answered that question myself. It would depend on whose pink hair it was. If I liked the person, let the hair stay. In fact, make it brighter! If I despised the person, I would have ditched the hair, along with the person.

As far as I can recall, no one had pink hair at my daughters’ weddings, although some got a little crazy at the open bar. I should have edited them out of the photos, not to mention the wedding reception.

In the digital age, Photoshopping and manipulation have become standard operating procedure. Even TikTok offers a filter that can transform ordinary young women and men into candidates for the red carpet at the Oscars. They’re taking a page out of the Kardashian playbook. The Kardashians, of course, could be crowned the Kweens of Photoshop because they’re always crossing the line between reality and fantasy to make themselves look like Greek goddesses.

They’re not alone. Actress Blake Lively says 99.9 percent of celebrity photos are edited.

This is a privilege reserved for the rich and famous, with the eventual result being countless young women are dissatisfied with their bodies by comparison.

But back to the pink hair. I have nieces, nephews, friends and students with pink hair, not to mention a congresswoman with purple hair, which I envy because I have no hair and would prefer purple hair to none.

Rather than censoring pink hair, I think we should censor those garish and ghoulish outfits that celebrities wear to the Met Gala. How can anyone who works for a living look at them and keep a straight face? That’s a question I’d love to send the Times ethicist for his response.

And based on a recent incident in our town, I’m also tempted to ask him this ethical question: “If someone is in my driveway, trying to steal the catalytic converter from my car, am I justified in shooting him in the foot with my slingshot? How about the behind? Or should I call the police, knowing the police probably won’t capture him, and if they did, the culprit would likely get off.”

The truth is I don’t believe in violence. I’ve owned a Red Ryder BB gun since I was 7, and the only thing I’ve ever shot are beer cans. I don’t even watch violent movies, TV shows or video games because I’m convinced they’re the root cause of the epidemic of violence in America. And while we’re on the topic of ethics, let me ask why our politicians with ties to the entertainment industry don’t speak out since there has been 202 mass shootings already this year.

A few days after I read the column about pink hair, I got an email from an e-commerce company that constantly sends me promotions. These ethically sensitive capitalists told me I could “Opt out of Father’s Day emails.”

“That’s a curious offer,” I thought. “They pester me all year long, and now they’re worried that I might get triggered by Father’s Day.”

“We know Father’s Day may be a difficult time, and we’d like to give you the opportunity to opt out of those emails,” they told me. “If you’d like to do so, simply click below. We’ll still send you lists of other great ideas from our talented sellers.”

I assume this is their ethical response to all the bad things our fathers did to us or didn’t do because they weren’t around. I don’t recall receiving a similar email on Mother’s Day, but maybe they’ll send one for National Nude Day on July 14 or National Fried Chicken Day on July 6.

I’ll be the first to admit that my father could be nasty. Plus, I have to consider my own checkered past as a father, even though I tried to do the best I could with the tools I was given. I just hope my kids don’t suffer a meltdown on Father’s Day because if they do, I won’t be getting a Starbucks gift card or any other gift card for that matter.

There are a lot of serious ethical issues for us to be worried about. I’m reminded of them every time I read the news, but I often avoid discussing them because they depress me.

Though I’m not an ethicist, let me give you some free advice: Don’t sweat the small stuff. Develop a thick skin. Don’t let pink hair and Father’s Day derail you. Try to focus on the bigger picture … and do some Photoshopping to make this world a better place.