Daughter needs reality check
In recent conversations with my daughter, who is away in college, she opened up to me that she is hooking up. She introduced herself to this guy two weeks ago, and she’s already having sex with him. I tried to caution her about the dangers of such relationships and how harmful they can be physically and emotionally. She sounded annoyed and said it is her body and she has a right to do whatever she pleases.
I am shocked and disappointed. She’s the first person in our family to go to college. If I tell her father, he would disown her. I am beside myself. My younger daughter will soon be applying to college, and now I’m wondering whether I should allow her to go away, given her sister’s behavior. How should I handle this? Should I tell her father?
When you are less emotional, talk with your daughter and advise her to visit the student health center to be checked for STDs and get on a program of birth control. Your daughter is no longer a child. She is a young woman, and sexual activity among college students is not unheard of. While I agree with you that hopping into bed with someone you have known for only two weeks is premature, if she’s able to maintain her grade point average, there is no reason to alarm her father. If she isn’t, then bring her home.
I assume you have discussed sex and family standards with your younger daughter. If that’s the case, it would be unfair to punish or restrict her because you are disappointed in her older sister.
DEARABBY>> My soon-to-be daughter-in-law complains about my son to me. She’s not happy with his job or his boss, but he is. She says he embarrasses her and gets upset when his work must come first. Abby, my son is in charge of the company.
I don’t understand why she would marry someone she feels this way about. I struggle with whether to talk to my son about it or not. I’m afraid he will say something to her and she will be upset with me. He is a happy young man, and it seems his fiancee only wants to change him. He’s almost 30, and I don’t see him changing to her satisfaction. Please advise.
Your son’s fiancee is complaining to the wrong person. Before talking to your son about her complaints, talk to her about them and suggest she talk to him. If your son is happy in his job, happy with his employers and being well compensated for his work ethic and ability, she should be happy for him, not embarrassed. It’s important that he know how she feels before the wedding, because if he learns about it afterward, there will be problems.
However, if she’s unwilling to communicate her feelings to your son, then let him know she has “concerns” about his job and suggest he discuss them with her before they say any “I do’s.”