Brown shoes and man buns, some things are hard to be­lieve

The Reporter (Lansdale, PA) - - LIVING - Tony Leodora

To say that life in Amer­ica, circa 2018, is a very puz­zling is quite an un­der­state­ment. Keep­ing up with the ever-ad­vanc­ing tech­nol­ogy is one is­sue. Keep­ing up with the ever-chang­ing cul­ture is another. Both present ma­jor chal­lenges.

The only con­stant is the re­ac­tion that un­avoid­ably takes place … over and over … day af­ter day. Whether it oc­curs af­ter read­ing a puz­zling story in the news­pa­per, hear­ing a strange re­port on the ra­dio, view­ing a mind-numb­ing scene on tele­vi­sion … or per­son­ally ex­pe­ri­enc­ing another head­scratch­ing mo­ment.

Af­ter shak­ing my head in dis­be­lief, I find my­self say­ing the same thing – ei­ther to my­self or out loud. “I don’t get it.”

To make mat­ters worse, my mo­ments of dis­be­lief have ex­panded – into sub-cat­e­gories. Here they are:

I Don’t Get It

• I don’t get … blue suits or grey suits with brown shoes. Dis­tract­ing. I know it is a cur­rent fash­ion trend. But that’s just what it is — a trend. So was the leisure suit. When you see a grey suit with a pair of to­bacco brown wing tips, it just screams, “Look at my shoes.”

• When people in­sist on us­ing the Al­pha­bet Soup lan­guage, even when speak­ing to oth­ers who have not been in­doc­tri­nated in their same tech­ni­cal at­mos­phere. Acronyms first be­came pop­u­lar as a way to save time when com­mu­ni­cat­ing. By now ev­ery­one knows that RBI stands for Runs Bat­ted In. Or ATM means Au­to­matic Teller Ma­chine. But no­body saves time when the Al­pha­bet Soup dis­penser has to take the time to ex­plain acronyms like EDM (Elec­tronic Dance Mu­sic) or OOF (Out of Of­fice).

• All of the beards — es­pe­cially the ex­tra-long ones — be­ing worn by play­ers in Ma­jor League Base­ball. It is re­fresh­ing to see play­ers like Mike Trout and Scott Kingery, who look like base­ball play­ers.

I Re­ally Don’t Get It

• I re­ally don’t get … the man bun. Ev­ery time I see a guy with his long hair pulled back in a man bun, I just want to ask one ques­tion: “Why?”

• The fried egg on top of the cheese­burger … es­pe­cially when the gloppy mess is com­pounded by a num­ber of other in­gre­di­ents. The great Amer­i­can cheese­burger is be­com­ing over­whelmed. It’s like putting way too much makeup on Jen­nifer Anis­ton.

• And Pitts­burgh’s fa­mous Pri­manti Broth­ers Sand­wich is even worse. In between two slices of Ital­ian bread they cram

— 5-6 slices of grilled meat, a cou­ple of slices of pro­volone cheese, a glob of coleslaw, two slices of tomato, a mound of French fries and a heart-stop­ping layer of may­on­naise. At first bite the gooey mess starts to run down your arm. Half­way through the sand­wich you look like the loser in a food fight.

I Will Never Get It

• I will never get the full-arm tat­too on women. They claim it is an artis­tic ad­di­tion … but I think it’s safe to say that most men re­gard it as a dis­trac­tion.

• Ketchup on a hot dog. The lead condi­ment for hot dogs is mus­tard— fol­lowed by any other com­bi­na­tion of relish, sauer­kraut, onions, pep­pers, cheese or chili. Ketchup should be re­served for ham­burg­ers.

• People who get hand­i­capped tags so that they can trans­port elderly rel­a­tives … then con­tinue to use the tag so they can get close park­ing for their own healthy bod­ies. Lazy. In­con­sid­er­ate. It’s all about me.

• Driv­ers who camp in the far-left lane on a high­way and refuse to move to the right — where they be­long. It is called a “pass­ing lane” for a rea­son.

• And, while we are fo­cused on in­con­sid­er­ate driv­ers, those who find it too much trou­ble to use a turn sig­nal should be con­demned to a life­time of liv­ing auto hell — per­pet­u­ally stuck in rush-hour traf­fic on the Schuylkill Ex­press­way.

Noth­ing on this list will be re­solved by com­plain­ing. I still will find my­self mut­ter­ing, “I don’t get it,” nu­mer­ous times dur­ing each day. But, at least there is the sat­is­fac­tion of pub­licly an­nounc­ing my be­wil­der­ment … thus pro­vid­ing an ex­cuse for the puz­zled look on my face as I try to nav­i­gate Amer­ica in the year, 2018.

Tony Leodora is pres­i­dent of TL Golf Ser­vices, host of the weekly GolfTalk Live ra­dio show on WNTP 990-AM and host of the Trav­el­ing Golfer tele­vi­sion show — as well as ed­i­tor of GolfStyles mag­a­zine. He is former sports ed­i­tor of The Times Her­ald. Send com­ments to tl­go­lf­ser­vices@aol.com.

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