When children don’t leave the nest
We’re living in a time where statistically, more young adults are opting to stay at home with mom and dad longer. Of course, a variety of factors are contributing to this trend and I’m sure some parents are more comfortable with it than others. After all, raising financially independent children should be one of our many goals as parents.
For parents of children with special needs, raising little ones who will one day grow up and leave the nest often isn’t an option. These parents must begin coping with the reality that their son or daughter may likely never achieve this kind of independence.
As the father of a teenage son with autism, I understand. I know very well the extra worry of planning for my wife and I’s future, in addition to the life of our son.
Thankfully for my family, in addition to being a father, I’m also a financial professional. Since my son’s diagnosis, I’ve been intimately aware of the fact that without proper planning in place, the state might step in to provide my son’s care after we are no longer able. That has never been OK with my wife or I, and if you’re like us, that wouldn’t be your choice either.
This is unfortunately the reality, however, for parents who neglect or simply put off making the right special needs planning decisions for their family. Of course, I’m not saying that to scare anyone — trust me, as parents we have enough to worry about. On the contrary, I want parents to realize that they can achieve a greater peace of mind and security by taking action — before anything unexpected happens. After all, none of us know how many days we have left, right?
I think all parents worry what may happen to their children, if they are no longer able to care for them — either due to death or illness. Let’s face it, no one knows a child like their parent. This truth is magnified when it comes to children with special needs. With this in mind, I’d like to provide two actionable steps every parent can take — both of which require no financial expense. Win-win, right?
First, every parent of a child with special needs should write a letter of intent. It is very important to note that while a letter of intent does not cost anything, it also is not legally binding. That said, it is still a great place for parents to begin.
The goal of this letter is to record the parent’s knowledge of their child’s needs to guide future caregivers, guardians and/ or trustees. A well-constructed
letter will thoroughly communicate the best way to manage and care for their child. While this letter doesn’t replace the need for special needs planning or a trust, parents can include how they wish for their assets to be used and who they’d like to care for their child.
This brings me to my second action step. As with the majority of important family decisions, communication is key. I caution parents all the time that they should not assume (or expect) that a family member (i.e. a sibling, etc.) will step into the role of caregiver, if they are no longer able. Before naming anyone to be trustee, parents should call a family meeting with everyone involved to determine what roles people are willing and able to play. Once these important conversations are had, parents and other family members as well, will feel a greater peace of mind knowing that a plan is in place.
As a parent, worrying about your children and their future is a life-long journey — special needs or not My son will likely always sleep under the same roof as me, but our home is filled with less worry knowing that I’m not leaving his future to chance. We have a plan and we’ve taken important steps to ensuring that it will be followed.
If you have a child with special needs, or you know someone who does, I hope you’ve been encouraged by these cost-free, simple (but important) places to start. If you’d like to know more about further steps to take, find an expert who can direct you on the path to more advanced special needs planning advice.
Tom Kalejta is an author of “Building Wealth, Protecting Dreams” and a financial advisor. He is intrigued by how Baby Boomers are changing retirement trends and lifestyles in the 21st century. He believes in inspiring his readers by talking less about money and more about reinvented possibilities — particularly when things don’t go as planned. He can be reached at thomasakalejta@gmail.com.