Don’t use ‘Karen’ to objectify women

I often used to lament the fact that my last name is Flowers. Well that’s not exactly true.

Up until Bill Clinton was elected president, I loved my name. How could I not? The only time it became inconvenient was before I was even born, when my father wanted to call me “April” if I turned out to be a girl, and my then-pregnant mother (thank you, Lucy, thank you) said, “A daughter named April Flowers will sound like she belongs on a marquis headlining at the Trocadero.”

But after Hillary’s hubby became famous for his Oval Office antics and his trysts with former mistress Gennifer, I started getting comments like, “Are you related to…?” and, “You must have voted for Clinton, wink wink.” I even had immigration judges call me, from the bench, “GennifI-mean-Christine” Flowers.” It caused a few amusing moments, but when the few becomes the constant, that amusement dissipates significantly.

So, once and for all, I am not related to her. I do not know her. And if I did, this Miss Flowers would tell that Miss Flowers to start spelling her first name correctly and stop trying to be clever.

Honestly, though, I’ve been pretty lucky in the name department.

That’s why I feel so bad for women named Karen. It’s a lovely name, and I have some equally lovely female friends who share it.

Karen is an honorable, consequential name.

Lately, though, some people have tried to make it a scarlett letter, but instead of the “A” that poor Hester Prynne sported because of her adultery, it is a bright and burning “K” which apparently stands for, alternately, busy-body, entitled suburbanite or the most common (and worst) connotation: Racist woman.

My good friend Joan who is a brilliant woman who absolutely knows how to speak out wrote this on my Facebook page, and I wish I could have it embroidered on a thousand throw pillows (I know, that sounds very “entitled suburbanite” of me).

“The Karen memes and the use of the term remind me an awful lot of the Jewish-American princess stereotype. Both have a way of making prejudice (in that case anti-Semitism, in this case sexism) socially acceptable, which shouldn’t happen. Karen has gone from memes about demanding, know-it-all-ex wives to a putdown of middle aged women having opinions. I heard it used by liberal and conservative men alike to cut down women. Examples: A woman is of the opinion that the governor’s shutdown of businesses was arbitrary and the state needs to reopen. ‘Well, Karen just wants to get her hair done.’ Or a woman believed that the shutdown was a good idea and the comeback is, ‘Well Karen doesn’t know what’s best for all of us.’ Like its predecessor ‘JAP,’ it’s bigotry-lite. Time to rethink it before it’s not so ‘lite.’”

And, kaboom! That is it, in an eloquent and powerful nutshell. The use of a name to dehumanize someone and make them feel as if they are “lesser than,” is as old as the Bible.

So why, all of a sudden, is it okay to define women with opinions as “Karens?” And let’s delve into this a bit further. Have you seen poor women called “Karens?” Have you seen Black women called “Karens?” Have you seen Asians or Latinos or Muslim women called “Karens?”

If you have, please send me some examples so I can include them in my next column about how I always address my mistakes. But I sincerely doubt that you will find a significant quantity of Karen stories that are not accompanied by memes of attractive, middle-aged and affluent white blonde women with that Kate Gosselin hairdo.

Recently, a women in Delaware County was publicly shamed on social media for counter-protesting at a Black Lives Matter rally. I do not remember any social media posts criticizing the people who called her names, gave her the finger or essentially dehumanized her. At best, they would call her a “Karen,” a woman who has no right to have an opinion unless that opinion is sanctioned by a certain section of society.

Also, recently, a columnist at another paper used the term “Karen” in a pejorative manner to describe that class of well-to-do folk who never had to deal with the harsher vicissitudes of life in this post George Floyd landscape. Clearly, her use of the term Karen was not complimentary.

My point, which is not as succinct or as well crafted as my friend Joan’s, is that when we start to objectify people, usually women, with labels, we run the risk of looking like rank hypocrites when we talk about how bigoted other people are, how intolerant, how prejudiced and sheltered.

Think about it, before your next round of “Karenization.” And purchase a larger mirror.