Relative doesn't want to attend gay wedding
DEAR AMY >> I have an extended family member whose son is gay. He has been in a relationship with his livein partner for many years.
I have visited them on several occasions, and have always had a pleasant time.
There has been some talk recently about the two of them getting married. Although I wish them both the best, should I receive an invitation, my beliefs preclude me from attending.
One or both of my younger siblings may attend, thereby representing the family, but I worry that by not attending I will damage the relationship with my relative.
If I were to attend, I would feel like a hypocrite, and the thought of going against my core values is at odds with my fondness for both this relative and his son.
Have you any thoughts, suggestions or advice?
DEAR MAN >> It seems hypocritical (to me) that your core values sanction — or at least tolerate — a homosexual relationship with two men cohabiting, while you cannot tolerate these two sanctifying their loving relationship through the more legally permanent and meaningful state of marriage.
But your values are your own, and you have the right to interpret these values — or their source material — any way you want.
If you don't want to attend this wedding, then don't. I don't suggest that you raise your objections to this union before or after the wedding — just RSVP that unfortunately you won't be able to make it, and wish the couple all the best.
It's their day; don't make it about you.
If you decide not to sit in judgment of this couple, then your relationship with these family members shouldn't be adversely affected. I hope you're capable of that.
DEAR AMY >> I was intrigued by your response to “Doting Dad,” who wanted to be transparent about his resources and estate with his adult children. I really liked your suggestion that people who have wealth should use their resources during their lifetimes, rather than leave it all behind.
DEAR APPRECIATIVE >> This should only be done with very careful estate planning.