The Reporter (Vacaville)
Woman wants to warn off her ex's new partner
DEAR AMY >> I'm a woman previously in a relationship with a man for more than 10 years that ended badly.
He was married and divorced twice before and had three adult children, all of whom
I loved and who loved me.
Toward the end of the relationship, I kept catching him in lies.
He finally confessed to having been addicted to serious drugs. He was in a 12-step recovery program, which I wholeheartedly supported.
I asked how he'd gotten started, and he gave me answers that rang false, but I felt I had to accept his answers because talking about it made him angry.
I later discovered that he'd been sleeping with men without my knowledge, putting my sexual health in jeopardy. He also acknowledged that he is gender-fluid, which I accepted.
Nonetheless, we broke up, as I felt I could not trust him to give me honest answers about our future.
He was not the man I first fell in love with. He had alienated me and his entire family. By the end of our relationship, we were barely speaking.
Fast-forward three years, and he has become involved with a woman over 40 years younger than himself who lives in Indonesia. She is Muslim, and he has said “it feels so right” to be with her.
My question: Is it my business to tell her of his past?
I doubt he will tell her he sleeps with men, as he lied to his wives just as he lied to me (as I learned too late).
If it's none of my business, I'll step aside and perhaps watch this trusting young woman's heart get broken.
What do you think?
— Learned too Late
DEAR LEARNED TOO LATE >>
Yes, this is none of your business. But yes, you should tell this woman of your former partner's sexual history.
My caveat is that the presumption here is that the much-younger woman is vulnerable, but who knows? — maybe he's the vulnerable one. Have these two met in person? Maybe he's being catfished by a guy named Stan who lives in Milwaukee.
If you have contact with her, you should privately pass along your concerns about her sexual health. And then you should leave it — and him — alone.
DEAR AMY >> “Strange Invite” was written by a woman whose friend invited her to an out-ofstate baby shower for the friend's daughter. The writer thought this was “strange” because she did not know the pregnant honoree.
Thank you for your response that this prospective first-time grandmother probably wanted to “share her joy.”
“Strange” should honor her with a “Grandma gift.”
DEAR ENTHUSIASTIC >>
Although I think most grandparents already have everything they need — namely love and patience in abundance — I think this is a great idea!