Hit mute on the call of the wild
Farm living isn’t the life for me
Up before dawn to milk the cows and churn butter? No thanks. I’ll just go to Trader Joe’s. Land spreadin’ out so far and wide? Our house isn’t even on a quarter acre but I would prefer to live in a townhouse or condo. I need to be surrounded by activity, Wawa and Wegmans.
I consider anything past the Zerns farmers market in Gilbertsville to be some serious country livin.’ When the Wi-Fi gets spotty, I tend to break out in a cold sweat.
Some think it’s a fun activity to sleep in the outdoors. It has taken a few years, but friends know better than to ask me to go camping.
“So you want me to sleep on the dirt?”
“No, you bring a sleeping bag and you’re in a tent.”
Underneath the sleeping bag there is dirt, and not a mattress.
“Where would I plug in my flat iron? What keeps my water cold enough to maintain the ice cubes?”
“It’s meant to be relaxing. To get away from all that stuff and just chill,” is usually the go-to response because there is nothing you can say to rebut the appeal of electricity.
I haven’t gone into the wilderness, save some long walks at Valley Forge Park, but lately the wild has come to my house. It’s a bit concerning since we live in a populated neighborhood in King of Prussia.
On a recent Thursday night I’m nestled against Tom’s chest on the couch ready to relax after a long day and get caught up on the enthralling “O.J: Made in America” documentary. Within minutes, an odor stings my nostrils. “Was that you?” I joked. “Do you really think that smell could come out of me?”
The resident skunk of our street has struck again. Instead of releasing its odoriferous abomination in the backyard, it ready, aimed, fired, on my doorstep. I didn’t witness it visually, but I feel I can accurately report on its whereabouts strictly from smell.
The black and white stink bandit also made two more visits over the weekend. The worst had to be when it struck right before bed, and I found it nearly impossible to sleep with its smell emanating through the walls. Covering my head with pillows didn’t help. My mother’s suggestion to light a candle didn’t apply since I wanted to go back to sleep. If I did, I know it would have activated her super sensory mom radar and she would have called me in the middle of the night to scold me for doing something so dumb. “We’re under attack!” “No, we aren’t. It’s summer. It happens,” Tom reasoned.
“There’s a black bear in Phoenixville. It’s going to come here,” I countered. What better time to get into a heated discussion of black bear traveling patterns than after midnight? Movies have shaped my perception of bears, especially “The Great Outdoors” and the late John Candy’s exasperated “big bear chase me!” Perhaps with a bear not too far away it was a good time to brush up on what to do if encountered- by a bear behaviors.
It is recommended to back away slowly and talk in a soft voice. Do not approach or make direct eye contact. You could also make yourself big, and use loud noises, or play dead. These tactics are easy for me to remember since I use them when my mother-in-law visits and can report that they are the most effective way to deal with aggressive behavior.
Tom insists the black bear isn’t coming to King of Prussia. When I think about it logically, I agree. It’s too populated for a bear. They don’t need three Wawa’s within five miles. They like their privacy.
But some animals don’t mind the surrounding suburban sprawl cutting in on their private time.
On Sunday mornings, in the tradition of Grandmother Mary and my mom, I open the front curtains to “let the Lord in.” On this particular day, in my driveway, two bunnies were engaging in an activity they are known for. They attracted a small crowd of four birds and two squirrels. None of the menagerie seemed to mind my tapping against the window hoping to get them to disperse.
As I was in the kitchen making breakfast, I heard Tom laughing in the living room. “Hey, Katie. Did you seewhat’s happening in our driveway?”
“It’s the call of the wild. Get used to it!” Katie Bambi Kohler is an award winning columnist and journalist. She is a Norristown native and a current resident of King of Prussia. Visit her at www.katiekohler.com. Email kkohler1129@gmail.com.