Girlfriend checked ex’s social media while in relationship
“Congress shall make no law ... abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press ... . ”
— From the First Amendment to Constitution
DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend revealed to me that she has just recently stopped checking her exboyfriend’s social media pages. She and I have been dating for a few months now, so needless to say, I’m very hurt. She told me that she wasn’t sure why she was checking his pages in the first place, but when her feelings for me intensified, she stopped feeling the need to check. I honestly wish that she’d never told me that. Now I kind of just feel like she might still have feelings for her ex-boyfriend. What am I supposed to do with this information? I feel like I might need a break now, but I’m not sure if it’s that serious. What should I do? -- Confused Boyfriend
DEAR CONFUSED BOYFRIEND: Take a deep breath and calm down. While it might have been better for your girlfriend to keep her actions to herself, it sounds like she was trying to be open and honest with you. It is normal for people in new relationships to want their partners to let go completely from previous relationships when they get together. Unfortunately, things are not always as buttoned-up as one might like. That’s how feelings work sometimes. Depending upon the circumstances of their breakup, there could be any number of factors that led to your girlfriend’s curiosity about the activities of her ex. The good news is that she has stopped checking for him and focused solely on you.
Rather than feeling like you want to take a timeout from your relationship, now is the time to lean in.
She has revealed to you that she has chosen to focus even more intently on the two of you. Join her and see where this budding relationship leads you.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I overheard some neighbors make some disparaging remarks about my other neighbors. We live very close to one another, so it’s not like I had to try that hard to overhear the conversation. I’m good friends with the neighbors they were bad-mouthing. Should I say something to my friends, or should I leave it alone? -- Living Between
DEAR LIVING BETWEEN: To keep the peace in your life, I recommend that you keep your mouth shut. You are in an awkward position, to be sure. Since you will likely remain in the earshot of your neighbors’ comments for a while, it will only get more challenging if you put yourself in the middle of it by reporting what you have heard.
You may want to give your neighbors with the loose lips a heads-up that you sometimes can hear their private conversations -- even though you are not listening in. Invite them to speak more quietly or go to another part of their house when they are talking about things that they consider to be private. If they ask what you are talking about, that’s when you can share that you overhead them speaking negatively about your friends, and it made you uncomfortable.