Reluctant to give referrals
I work at a regional medical center, and friends and family often ask me to recommend a doctor or a physician’s group for them. For a while, I didn’t mind giving these people a few names, but I have grown reluctant to do so.
My reluctance is not because I don’t trust in the knowledge and care provided by the doctors I work with. It’s because of the negative feedback I get after these people visit the specialists I recommend. I am tired of handing out the names of good, hardworking practitioners to people who refuse to listen to the advice given to them. They don’t want to take the prescribed medications or regimens, nor do they follow through with the therapy as ordered. Then they complain to the entire community about what terrible doctors I told them to see.
I feel as if the doctors are judging me each time they see my name as a referral. Yet when I decline to give suggestions, people react as if I am being a snob. How do I keep my sanity, as well as my career?
— Please Stop Asking Me
Medical professionals are accustomed to patients who disregard their instructions, but you certainly can ask directly whether they would prefer that you not re- fer your friends and family to them. We suspect they are glad to know that someone who works closely with them thinks highly of their skills. But either way, you are under no obligation to give out recommendations. It’s OK to tell people nicely that you no longer make referrals because you don’t wish to mix your professional and personal lives. If they don’t like it, too bad.
This is for “Wish I Could Turn Back Time,” the 62-year-old great-grandmother who served prison time for a nonviolent felony and can’t get a job because of her record.
Most states have laws allowing for the expungement of criminal records, especially for nonviolent offffffffffffenses. This allows those who made a mistake and learned their lesson to get a conviction removed from their record, in which case, she wouldn’t need to tell prospective employers. She should check out the expungement requirements in her state.
— L. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast. net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.