Taking on a new personal challenge
I’m writing about this personal challenge because most of my career was in the area of education. Once in a while a life presents us with a situation that we can use to educate ourselves as well as others. I was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer on 11/15/2018. I am not writing about this disease because I want attention or sympathy, but because I want families and individuals with similar challenges to know that they are not alone with the often overwhelming stressors that this and similar diseases present.
Today, I don’t want to describe the early terror, irrational thoughts, and mood swings related to this event just the humor from my perspective.
Here is how my current journey started. I am very athletic for my age. I play racquetball a few times a week, I go to the gym and I ski in the winter. I had some back pains that lingered for a few weeks and thought that they might be the result of sitting on a long flight from Seattle last month. After some physical and chiropractic therapy, the pain had not subsided, and I went to my regular doctor who I have been seeing for 14 years. He sent me immediately for a CAT scan that showed cancer in my pancreas and lungs. The next day I was at the local oncologist’s office. He was clear, direct and empathetic when he told me the news. I have complete trust in him and his team.
The plan is for me to start chemo therapy and also go out of state for a second opinion and possibly additional treatment, sometime in the near future.
Some people die from this as well as they do from other cancers. I will not use the word “die” again. It makes people too uncomfortable. I prefer “croak” or “check out.” As I sat in my home office scheduling medical appointments and organizing piles of various documents, my attention was drawn to two of our three cats. Jenny and Jax are lounging on their tree stand. I have the odd thought that I never thought that they might outlive me. It’s ok during times of stress to have odd thoughts and feelings.
My appetite is a little off already but after racquetball the other day I ate 18 large clams and had a Pino Noir. It was my first pleasurable meal after the first two days of diagnostic terror. I know I will be taking a lot of meds, but can clams be the new medical miracle instead of weed? My racquetball buddy picked up the tab (another advantage of having a serious life threatening illness) I remember how much free food I got when I had prostate cancer twelve years ago.
I beat one of my regular racquet ball partners two days after my diagnosis and couldn’t resist abusing him, I said,” You were just beaten by a senior citizen, disabled American veteran, with osteoarthritis in his left knee and pancreatic cancer.”
During the next few weeks I will have more test like a brain can and PET scan and I’ll start the chemo. I’m afraid of what the results will show but to use an overused phrase, “It is what it is.”
I have a very good relationship with God although he has never emailed or tweeted me. In church the other day some of my heathen friends who avoid church, mosque and temple were there to wish me well. It was heart warming.