Don’t wait. Leave now

The Saratogian (Saratoga, NY) - - YOUR DAILY BREAK -

DEAR READ­ERS >> I am print­ing these two let­ters to­gether to re­mind any­one who is in an abu­sive re­la­tion­ship to leave as soon as pos­si­ble. Take your­self, your chil­dren and pets with you. There are many re­sources avail­able for you.

DEAR AN­NIE >> Thank you for telling De­pressed and Con­fused to walk out the door with her pets. My sis­ter didn’t, and she lost her life. I so ad­mire women who leave bad men.

— Sis­ter

DEAR SIS­TER >> Iamso very sorry for your loss. Thank you for writ­ing in and re­mind­ing all of our read­ers to leave abu­sive peo­ple as fast as they can. You and your fam­ily are in my thoughts and prayers.

DEAR AN­NIE >> I have to sug­gest that “De­pressed and Con­fused” im­me­di­ately find her cat a new home, to spare the cat the phys­i­cal abuse it is likely en­dur­ing. An­i­mal abuse is a sign of a se­ri­ous men­tal im­pair­ment and can of­ten lead to abuse of a spouse or other peo­ple in the home. I don’t need to go into the statis­tics, as most peo­ple are aware that if you are will­ing to abuse an an­i­mal, you are prob­a­bly well on your way to other psy­chotic be­hav­iors.

This woman’s spouse needs im­me­di­ate psy­cho­log­i­cal help, and she needs to be very care­ful. How­ever, above all else, she needs to get that cat out of this sit­u­a­tion, im­me­di­ately.

— Es­cape Fast

DEAR ES­CAPE FAST >> While you are cor­rect that she needs to get the cat out of the house, she also needs to get her­self out of the house.

DEAR AN­NIE >> My hus­band spends what­ever time he wants dur­ing the evenings and week­ends play­ing on his phone, watch­ing foot­ball, sleep­ing or just ly­ing on the couch re­lax­ing. I never say a word. But the mo­ment I sit down and start read­ing a book or tex­ting back a friend, he can sense it, and he’ll quickly get up from wher­ever he is and sit by me and say, “What’s go­ing on?” If I say “noth­ing” and keep read­ing, he’ll say, “Oh, I just thought you’d want to talk to me,” and he ex­pects me to im­me­di­ately put down what­ever

I’m do­ing. He sulks and pouts all night if I don’t.

It’s just a ridicu­lous, con­trol­ling power play. If I sit down in the same room as him and wait for him to stop tex­ting or watch­ing his show, it takes him for­ever to even ac­knowl­edge me. Ev­ery time I’ve called him out on this, it’s caused a fight. Even if I just ig­nore him and con­tinue read­ing, it re­ally upsets me. What can I do? — Not Al­lowed to Re­lax

in Peace

DEAR RE­LAX IN PEACE >> You de­serve to re­lax in peace. Maybe the way to find that peace is to say some­thing to him — and in a new way that won’t spark the same old fight. Tell him that, just like he needs time to re­lax and un­wind on the couch, you also need time to re­lax and un­wind. Cou­ples should spend time to­gether, un­in­ter­rupted, so they can grow closer. But they also need time apart to do things they en­joy in­di­vid­u­ally.

“Ask Me Any­thing: A Year of Ad­vice From Dear An­nie” is out now! An­nie Lane’s de­but book — fea­tur­ing fa­vorite col­umns on love, friend­ship, fam­ily and eti­quette — is avail­able as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.cre­ator­spub­lish­ for more in­for­ma­tion. Send your ques­tions for An­nie Lane to dear­an­[email protected]

Thank you for writ­ing in and re­mind­ing all of our read­ers to leave abu­sive peo­ple as fast as they can.

An­nie Lane

Dear An­nie

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