Fade to Gray: Baby put your seat back up

I know I’ve said it before but we, as a people, used to be tougher.

Things didn’t upset us so easily and when we ran into the little bumps and bruises life sends our way we sprayed on some Bactine (do they still sell that stuff?), slapped on a band aid and went on our merry way without complaint.

Three times on the same day I found myself rolling my eyes at just how delicate we have become in this never ending quest to make everyone happy all the time. Let me list them off for you and then you can tell me if I’m just a grumpy old dinosaur being nuts.

First up I peruse the recent USA Today newspaper and happen upon an opinion piece on airline etiquette. Specifically the article said that you should, under no circumstances, EVER put your seat back to relax when you’re flying. Why?

Because the two inches you go back don’t really belong to you and your seat is now in the private space of the person to your rear.

Now let me be clear, I am never very happy when the guy in front of me slams the seat back but I understand that reclining is one of the two functions of an airline seat and if the dude wants to take a nap, he’s entitled. The obvious solution to having those two or three inches infringed upon is to simply recline my own seat.

Like a stack of dominos this may cause everyone behind everyone to click the button and go back but at least we all end up with the same limited room.

The person writing the opinion piece says it is rude to recline your seat, you don’t have the right to take that space and you should be ashamed if you do it. We have more people dying of overdoses each year than we lost in the Vietnam War but this is what a national newspaper dedicates column inches to.

Not long after reading this article I stumble upon one that tells me the new James Bond movie is going to be super “woke.” For those who don’t understand that word, it means Daniel Craig’s character is going to be less of a male chauvinist and the women in his life are going to put him in his place when appropriate. For starters he gets married and his new wife reminds him that she’s not taking his name.

That’s certainly fine, take a man’s name or don’t that’s totally up to you, I’m just not sure why the writers felt the need to point that out in a Bond film. I don’t want to spoil any of the movie but apparently that’s not the only “woke moment” in there. I personally like the Bond movies for the action, suspense and chase scenes but, like the newer Star Wars films, it appears we are now going to use them to make political statements. Good luck with that. There was serious talk of having Bond drive an electric car instead of his super cool Aston Martin but it appears that idea was put back on the shelf for now. Listen, anyone who loves the Bond movies knows he is a ridiculous character doing ridiculously dangerous things. He has always had that “man’s man” persona and all the women I know kind of liked it.

It’s a shame if we are planning to trade entertainment in our movies for the need to make political statements all the time. I thought Bond, James Bond, would be immune to that but I guess not.

I guess as well we can’t turn on the radio and hear Christmas music without controversy as well. I read that singers John Legend (not his real last name by the way) and Kelly Clarkson (real, middle name Brianne) have released a new version of the horribly overrated “Baby, its Cold Outside.” The original song was written in 1944 and nobody seemed to care about the lyrics until a couple of years ago.

Since each year it draws protests, Legend and Clarkson have a version that’s less creepy.

Can’t we just agree that a song written 65 years ago wasn’t meant to be an anthem for Harvey Weinstein? That back then those words were taken in a much different way than 2019. There’s also another option when you hear a song you don’t like on the radio; just turn it off.

I for one am much more offended by Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer. They pick on this poor little deer because he’s different and then when the storm comes and all hell is breaking loose they ask Rudolph to bail them out. The nerve!

Then there’s that elf performing dentistry without novacaine or a license. And don’t get me started on the island of misfit toys. And not to switch gears or films but I’m pretty sure the writers murdered Frosty the Snowman in the second act of that play.

Oh sure he came back but I needed therapy after seeing him melt that way.

You know what? I take everything in this column back. I am offended. Now kindly put your seat in the upright position.