You are not alone
DEAR ANNIE >> My son, who was in the U.S. Army for 13 years and became a major, took his own life. My husband and I were the recipients of every parent’s worse nightmare: At 7 a.m., there was a knock on the door. Two military personnel were there to inform us that our son died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. He was 35 years old, a stellar, exemplary soldier who spent more than two years of deployment in the Middle East (Iraq and Afghanistan). Despite many medals and so many accomplishments — he was promoted twice below the zone — our son felt life was not worth living and that the world would be better off without him. His death was so preventable and, now, so permanent.
No one knew how hopeless, depressed and in such despair he felt. On the outside, he seemed a cool, confident role model and hardworker focused on his Ph.D. in information technology. Yet on the inside, he was broken and full of self-hate. My fine, fine son, at the top of his game, felt worthless and unloved.
After his death, we got so many letters from soldiers and civilians about special memories. All of them said what an impact he made on their lives and how they are better people because of him. Yet my son never realized how loved and respected he was.
I am healing, daily, and I have my faith, family and friends who have gotten me to this point with their unconditional love, support and prayers. I have to let God, let go and go on.
The number of military suicides is astronomical, and it needs to end now. There has to be a better plan for suicide prevention — not only for the military but for everyone. If one family can be spared this unbearable heartache, then I will feel blessed.
Please do not feel ashamed or afraid to get help, if you feel you are cornered and there is no solution. Ending your life is not the solution. You are not alone. You matter. You are enough. Just reach out, it’s that simple. Dial the phone or hold out your hand. You are a child of God, and God loves you, unconditionally, even at your darkest moments. Trust in God, or whatever higher being you believe in, and hold on. Just hold on. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help. It is a sign of strength and courage and bravery. Please visit the website 22toomany. com. There is a wonderful organization called Warriors and Quiet Waters, which offers a retreat for combat soldiers returning from deployment who have post-traumatic stress disorder.
You survivors, all of you, parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, brothers, sisters, friends, acquaintances of people who have committed suicide, you are here for a reason. Do not feel ashamed or hopeless.
— Grieving Mom of a Vet
DEAR GRIEVING MOM >> I am so sorry for your loss. A report earlier this year from the Department of Veterans Affairs found that at least 60,000 veterans committed suicide between 2008 and 2017. That is a shocking figure. I am honored to print your beautifully written plea in the hope it gets through to even one person who needs to hear it.
In addition to the resources you recommended, the Veterans Crisis Line is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, for support and crisis intervention. Call their trained responders at 800-273-8255 (press 1); text them at 838255; or chat with them online at VeteransCrisisLine.net/Chat.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.