Video traces church’s steps to same- sex rites

LITTLE ROCK – St. Paul’s Episcopal Church in Fayetteville has offered a blessing ceremony for same- sex couples for the past six years. The decision to approve the rite came after a long period of discernment and discussion among parishioners.

The church’s deliberate efforts to engage in a parish- wide process recently caught the attention of the General Convention of the Episcopal Church, and now St. Paul’s story is online for all to see. Convention planners hope the church can serve as a role model for other parishes interested in broaching the topic of same- sex blessings.

Lowell Grisham, rector of the church, said the parish was asked to make a video about its story to be shown to convention deputies as a “best practices” example prior to the General Convention in July.

“They wanted some stories of congregations who’ve been engaged in that conversation as a way of saying, ‘ This is what that looks like,”’ Grisham said. “I think they felt like we were a good example of a practice that was safe, open and faithful.”

The church has posted the video online, as well as a list of resources and a timeline for others to use.

The issue is a timely one for the Episcopal Church, the U. S. branch of the worldwide Anglican Communion. The Standing Commission on Liturgy and Music has filed a resolution asking this year’s convention delegates to approve trial use of a “same gender” blessing rite. No such official rite currently exists within the Episcopal Church, although parishes across the country like St. Paul’s have crafted their own ceremonies with the approval of their bishops.

St. Paul’s received permission to implement its blessing ceremony in 2006 from then- Bishop Larry Maze. Since then Grisham and his fellow priests have presided over a handful of ceremonies. If trial use of the proposed rite is approved, it is hoped that churches interested in pursuing the option of offering blessings for same- sex couples can learn much from St. Paul’s, Grisham said.

The congregation first began talking about a blessing ceremony in 2003. The leadership surveyed parishioners and found that, while a majority were interested in starting the conversation about blessings, 22 percent were strongly opposed to any discussion that might lead to a same- sex blessing.

“They didn’t even want to talk about it,” Grisham said.

Grisham said they decided to postpone the discussion out of respect for the minority. The vestry, the congregation’s leadership board, asked Grisham and the other clergy at the church to offer information and resources in the interim, which they did by publishing articles, pro and con, in the church newsletter, offering classes and preaching on the topic from a theological and biblical perspective.

As the church’s education continued, the wider church was also dealing with issues of inclusion. In New Hampshire, Gene Robinson was named the Episcopal Church’s first openly gay partnered bishop that same year, and during the 2003 General Convention, delegates reaffirmed an earlier resolution calling on the church to continue “prayer, study and discernment on the pastoral care for gay and lesbian persons.”

After the convention, Grisham said, the church gathered a small group to participate in a process of reconciliation using a booklet written by Bishop Steven Charleston – “Good News: A Congregational Resource for Reconciliation.” The group included parishioners who supported a same- sex blessing and those who opposed the idea.

“Nobody changed their mind but when they finished ... they understood one another better,” Grisham said.

The vestry and then the entire congregation participated in the same program, meeting in small groups at tables in the parish hall for several sessions.

“People were able to sit down in a safe context and listen to others who had very different opinions and hear the experiences of people whose experiences were very different from their own,” Grisham said. “And, because they felt safe to speak, we were able to sustain an atmosphere where it made it very clear that good people disagree and that’s OK.”

Parishioner Elliott West, who is featured in the video, said he learned a lot participating in the discussions.

“Spiritually, it helped me understand, in a very immediate way, one of the things I love about our tradition, and that is we are not a people who insist on holding to a certain core set of beliefs,” West said. “We are a people bound together by the fact that we pray together and, at least once a week, we share the holy meal together. We are brothers and sisters in Christ. I think in my case, what I came away with is that’s plenty. The rest of it is just a natural expression of human diversity, of different opinions.”

As the congregation talked, the vestry members listened. They held a meeting for same- sex- blessing supporters and another for those with concerns or opposition.

“The important part for us was to honor everyone’s voice,” Grisham said. “To know that everyone is heard and respected.”

After the congregation- wide meetings, the vestry took time to pray and finally put the issue to a vote, two years after the initial survey. In September 2005, by consensus, the vestry voted to offer a rite of blessing, with one condition – the church would respect a moratorium imposed earlier that year by the House of Bishops on such blessings until after the General Convention of 2006. The moratorium had been put in place at the request of leaders within the Anglican Communion upset with the ordination of Robinson and the blessing of same- sex unions. The Episcopal Church and the Anglican Church of Canada agreed to a one- year halt to the blessings.

After the moratorium was lifted St. Paul’s began offering blessing rites to same- sex couples in committed relationships, and Grisham said it has been an important pastoral resource for gay and lesbian members.

“I think for those gay couples who have experienced the rite of blessing, it has been exquisite,” he said. “Their joy is palpable and contagious. And the rites themselves, they feel so much like when you celebrate a marriage – the gladness, the joy, the witness to love.”

Some couples contacted by the Arkansas Democrat- Gazette were not comfortable talking publicly about their ceremonies, saying they were worried about a backlash to their businesses or professional lives.

“The church is welcoming but the world sometimes isn’t,” Grisham said. “There’s a fear that if someone knows that a gay person has a business, that they might take their business away because of their sexual orientation. That kind of prejudice happens sometimes. ...

“Their anxiety or even fear makes a profound religious statement to us. It says to me it’s still not a safe society.”

Longtime parishioners John and Gail Tolleson participated in the discussions and in the video. As parents of a lesbian, the Tollesons said they felt compelled to speak up for the rights of same- sex couples and are pleased their church recognizes those relationships with a religious ceremony.

“We watched our daughter struggle and when you see your child struggling in the process of coming to terms with who they are, you come away with a view that it’s not a choice,” John Tolleson said, adding that the support of the church means a lot. “It would be hard for us to go to a church where that was condemned from the pulpit.”

“We’re very proud of St. Paul’s, and blessed to go there,” Gail Tolleson said.

Grisham will co- chair a committee at this year’s General Convention that will open discussion of the proposed draft rite of blessing and will present the resolution for consideration first to the House of Bishops and then to the House of Deputies. He said approval of the resolution would be significant and he hopes St. Paul’s story can help churches approach what can be a divisive topic in the spirit of finding common ground.

“My hope would be congregations would be patient and take their time,” Grisham said. “That they would listen to one another and study. I would hope they would embrace the reality of our very different experiences through grace and blessing.”

More information is available at stpaulsfay. org.