The Sentinel-Record

Husband keeps explicit media from previous relationsh­ips

- Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: A year ago, when I discovered my husband’s porn videos and naked pictures of his ex-girlfriend­s, he assured me he would delete them. It has been a year, and he still hasn’t done it. When I mention it, he claims he doesn’t look at them and doesn’t have time to delete them. I ask him to be honest with me about if he intends to keep them, but he insists he “will” delete them. It makes me believe he has an emotional attachment to these women. How should I continue to deal with this issue? — HE’S GOT A WIFE NOW

DEAR WIFE: Your husband may be less emotionall­y attached to the ex-girlfriend­s than titillated by their pictures. From what you have written, your husband isn’t being completely honest with you. And THAT is the issue you should be dealing with, with the help of a licensed counselor, because solid marriages are based on trust, and there can’t be trust without honesty.

DEAR ABBY: Our 24-yearold daughter is dating a 28-yearold divorced man who has two kids. Her father is very upset about it and refuses to meet him. The reason is the children. We both think they will be a burden to our daughter and she will eventually have problems with his ex-wife. How can we tell her we don’t accept him without pushing her away or making her break up with him? She doesn’t live with us. — SAD IN FLORIDA

DEAR SAD: At 24, your daughter is an adult. At this point, she should have achieved enough independen­ce to decide — without coercion — with whom she wants to be romantical­ly involved.

I do not advise refusing to meet the man she cares about because it may be counterpro­ductive. Children from prior relationsh­ips do not necessaril­y cause problems, and not all ex-spouses fly around on brooms causing trouble. You and your husband should make an effort to get to know him and, if you see red flags afterward, point them out then.

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