Legislators shooting to beat plowshares into pistols
Son of a gun. Rep. Rick Jasperse, R-Jasper, is at it again. Georgia’s version of Wyatt Earp was the chief gunslinger in getting a bill passed in 2014 that was intended to let us lock-and-load most anywhere we want — libraries, churches, bars, airports — but he and his posse couldn’t talk the Board of Regents into letting students in our colleges and universities pack heat. (“Good Lord, Purvis! That running back is gonna take that ball all the way for a touchdown on us. Waste that sucker!”)
To remedy this grave oversight — while ignoring the piddling fact that more than 70 percent of Georgians oppose allowing students to carry guns on college campus — Jasperse is back this session with House Bill 859, which is being cosponsored by Reps. Mandi Ballinger, R-Canton, John Meadows, R-Calhoun, Alan Powell, R-Hartwell, Dustin Hightower, R-Carrollton, and Rep. Trey Kelley, R-Cedartown.
As information, Jasperse is a graduate of the University of Georgia; Ballinger went to Kennesaw State; Meadows attended West Georgia as did Hightower; Powell studied at Georgia Southwestern; and Kelly got his undergraduate degree from Shorter.
I asked Junior E. Lee, general manager of the Yarbrough Worldwide Media and Pest Control Company, located in Garfield, Georgia, to do some research to see if the bill’s sponsors might have had some traumatic experiences regarding guns while in college as soon as he finished worming Mr. Harlee Ledbetter’s goats. First things first.
After washing up — worming a goat can be messy, particularly if the goat would rather be doing something else – Junior made an exhaustive search and says he can find no incident where any one of them was ever shot at while in college or ever felt the need to make somebody’s day. I found that strange. Junior did not. Junior says politicians can do some weird stuff and thinks they all would benefit from a good worming from time to time.
House Speaker David Ralston has indicated he supports the bill and says that “getting a college degree should not mean abdicating your Second Amendment rights.” Speaker Ralston got his undergraduate degree from North Georgia College. Junior doesn’t think Mr. Ralston got shot at, either. I didn’t ask him about the wisdom of a good worming since the Speaker and I seem to be on good terms these days and I would prefer to keep it that way.
Under the proper circumstances, I could support allowing hormone-raged youngsters to walk into the dean’s office with a Desert Eagle 1911U stuck in their belt, waiting to be informed that they have just flunked out of school and are going to have to go find a real job. This assumes, of course, that the dean is sitting in his office with a M240 aimed at the door.
I would be willing to crisscross this great state from Abbeville to Zebulon; from East Point to West Point, to raise the banner for guns on campus. I would Tweet and Twitter and Skype and get LinkedIn and all that other stuff that I am so technologically capable of doing until every Georgian was convinced that no college fraternity should ever again have to hold a Toga Party unarmed.
All I ask in return from Speaker Ralston, Rep. Jasperse and their deputy dawgs is that the right for prepubescents to bear arms be extended to the average citizen who wants to visit the Gold Dome to see democracy in action. Why not? To paraphrase the Speaker, “Watching intrepid public servants do whatever it is that intrepid public servants do should not mean abdicating your Second Amendment rights.”
What is wrong with my sitting in the House gallery with my assault rifle in my lap? Are we not trampling on the constitutional rights of lizard-loafered lobbyists to arm themselves when skulking around the halls of the Capitol trying to foist football tickets and free meals off on reluctant legislators? And how about the Capitol press corps? Are they not at least as valuable to our society as a college sophomore? (Don’t answer that.)
I trust it is not the intention of Speaker Ralston, Mr. Jasperse and the others to blatantly discriminate against average Georgians by selectively deciding when and where we can enjoy our Second Amendment rights. Let us have our guns under the Gold Dome. After all, this isn’t just about arming our campuses. This is about building a Georgia where one day we can beat our plowshares into pistols. Isn’t that what we are all shooting for?