Cur­rent drought may re­quire an­other divine so­lu­tion

The Standard Journal - - COMMENTARY - By DICK YAR­BROUGH Ma­ri­etta Daily Jour­nal

Uh. Oh. Here we go again. I have been told that we are be­gin­ning to ex­pe­ri­ence drought con­di­tions in the state. Some­body needs to alert Dr. Gil Wat­son, the World’s Great­est Preacher.

There is no ques­tion he can soon have some se­ri­ous rain­drops fall­ing on our heads. You may re­mem­ber that the last time we were in a se­vere drought in Ge­or­gia, thenGov. Ge­orge E. Per­due had a prayer ses­sion at the state capi­tol and in­vited Dr. Gil to come pray for rain.

I’m not sure why Dr. Gil was se­lected, but it may have had some­thing to do with the gover­nor’s in­no­va­tive “Go Fish, Ge­or­gia,” pro­gram, a $23 mil­lion ini­tia­tive that was cre­ated in the mid­dle of a re­ces­sion and was de­signed to make Ge­or­gia com­pet­i­tive in the 21st Cen­tury global mar­ket­place.

I’m a lit­tle hazy on the de­tails to­day, but as near as I can re­call the idea was that while In­dia and China were busy turn­ing out engi­neers and sci­en­tists, Ge­or­gia would be teach­ing our next gen­er­a­tion of lead­ers how to catch fish in­stead.

By teach­ing a child to fish, we wouldn’t have to teach them any­thing else and we could lay off pub­lic school teach­ers, which would more than pay for the con­crete boat ramps for the ponds.

The idea was so cut­ting-edge, not even In­dia or China could fig­ure out why we were do­ing this. Nei­ther could I.

If our lakes dried up, it stood to rea­son that the fish would get up­set and not even a vi­sion­ary like Ge­orge E. Per­due would be able to coax them into vol­un­tar­ily bit­ing a sharp barbed hook.

Un­like engi­neers and sci­en­tists, fish can be very tem­per­a­men­tal.

So Gov. Per­due in­vited Dr. Gil to come to the Capi­tol and pray for rain and thereby keep “Go Fish, Ge­or­gia” afloat. That was a smart move. It is a known fact that God likes Dr. Gil a lot and is in­clined to do what­ever he asks. God also likes women preach­ers and doesn’t like us car­ry­ing guns to church, but that is a sub­ject for an­other day.

A gag­gle of athe­ists got their po­lit­i­cally-cor­rect shorts in a wad and protested the fact that some­one was go­ing to (gasp!) pray on govern­ment prop­erty. They shouldn’t have both­ered. An­other known fact is that God doesn’t pay them any more at­ten­tion than do the rest of us.

It should come as no sur­prise that once Dr. Gil Wat­son, the World’s Great­est Preacher, got through pray­ing, it started rain­ing and soon our lakes and rivers and even Gov. Ge­orge E. Per­due’s fish ponds were re­plen­ished. The farm­ers were happy. Re­cre­ation­ists were happy. The gover­nor was happy. Even the fish were happy and I told you how tem­per­a­men­tal they can be.

The only ones who weren’t happy were the athe­ists. That is be­cause their po­lit­i­cally-cor­rect shorts got se­ri­ously mildewed. That made God happy.

Now, it looks like we could be fac­ing an­other dry spell in Ge­or­gia. The de­ci­sion on what to do about it is now in the hands of Gov. Nathan Deal. Gov. Deal is a de­vout Bap­tist but I wouldn’t be sur­prised if he hasn’t al­ready put Dr. Gil Wat­son, a card-car­ry­ing Methodist, on his speed-dial so he can get this drought over and done with.

That would give the gover­nor more time to con­cen­trate on other mat­ters, such as the up­com­ing con­sti­tu­tional amend­ment on Op­por­tu­nity School Dis­tricts.

If the amend­ment is ap­proved by Ge­or­gia vot­ers in Novem­ber, it would al­low the state to take con­trol of low-per­form­ing schools, which Gov. Deal fa­vors and which al­most ev­ery­body in­volved in pub­lic ed­u­ca­tion doesn’t.

The gover­nor’s ar­gu­ment is that the sta­tus quo isn’t work­ing and some­thing dif­fer­ent needs to be done. The op­po­si­tion’s ar­gu­ment is that if the state would spend more time try­ing fix the things that are wrong with our so­ci­ety, that would likely fix the things that are wrong with our schools and then we wouldn’t need a con­sti­tu­tional amend­ment.

I think God is go­ing to let us work this one out for our­selves.

If the earthly pow­ers-that-be want a divine so­lu­tion on how to break this drought, they had bet­ter get hold of Dr. Gil Wat­son, the World’s Great­est Preacher, sooner rather than later.

The man has a lot on his plate. For one thing, he is cur­rently spend­ing every wak­ing hours and a few sleep­less nights try­ing to fig­ure out how to make me a kin­der and gen­tler soul.

God knows, even the athe­ists would con­sider that a mir­a­cle.

Yar­brough

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