Siz­ing up what makes Ge­or­gia the place to be

The Standard Journal - - COMMENTARY - By DICK YAR­BROUGH

To­day’s topic will not in­clude com­men­tary on a bunch of im­ma­ture multi-mil­lion­aires who play a kid’s game and who are be­ing goaded by spe­cial in­ter­est groups into dis­re­spect­ing a coun­try that al­lows them the free­dom to do so.

Nei­ther will I be dis­cussing the cranky mail I got from lib­er­als swear­ing they are re­ally and truly fun­nier than tree fun­gus nor the protes­ta­tions of the PGA (Pre­dis­posed Gag­gle of Athe­ists) who claim that Dr. Gil Wat­son, the World’s Great­est Preacher, did not mildew their self-right­eous knick­ers when he made it rain a few years back (with help from God, of course.) Yeah, right.

In­stead, let us ex­am­ine an­other of the many rea­sons why we are so blessed to live in the Great State of Ge­or­gia, be­yond sweet tea, pecans and Ray Charles Robin­son, of Al­bany, Ge­or­gia. This has to do with our size. Ge­or­gia is the largest state east of the Mis­sis­sippi River and the 24th largest over­all. If we were an independent na­tion, we would be the 92nd largest by area in the world, rank­ing ahead of 108 of the 200 coun­tries cur­rently in ex­is­tence. Eat your heart out, Con­necti­cut.

From whence cometh this fac­toid? From the en­ter­pris­ing peo­ple at SelfS­tor­age.Com. In ad­di­tion to lo­cat­ing, eval­u­at­ing and re­serv­ing self-stor­age fa­cil­i­ties for cus­tomers across the coun­try, they were also clever enough to pique my in­ter­est with a re­cent re­lease that asked, “If Ge­or­gia Were a Stor­age Unit, What Coun­tries Would Fit In­side?” Are these peo­ple good, or what?

For ex­am­ple, did you know we could fit Greece in­side Ge­or­gia, even though a piece of it would ex­tend over to South Carolina, as­sum­ing Greenville and Rock Hill wouldn’t mind the in­tru­sion? There might be some con­fu­sion about hav­ing two cities named Athens. There is one in Greece and we have one in Ge­or­gia. Their Athens has the Parthenon and a lot of stat­ues of de­funct gods. Ours has the Univer­sity of Ge­or­gia, the old­est state-char­tered univer­sity in the na­tion. That’s the only Athens we need, thank you very much.

Ire­land would fit nicely in our state, run­ning roughly from Hartwell to Bain­bridge. I would love to have Ire­land if they would bring their breath­tak­ing scenery with them. On the other hand, we would have a de­ci­sion to make about Korea. It turns out we could squeeze ei­ther of them into the state, but not at the same time. South Korea, I wouldn’t mind, but I don’t think we want that lit­tle fat squat with the big mouth and the bad hair­cut from North Korea.

The same is true for Nicaragua. If we took in Nicaragua, we would prob­a­bly have to take per­sim­mon-pussed ac­tor Sean Penn, who def­i­nitely isn’t as funny as tree fun­gus and loves Nicaraguan Pres. Daniel Ortega, who hates Amer­ica. I had just as soon have that lit­tle fat squat from North Korea run­ning around our state as Sean Penn.

If we wanted to get greedy, we could put The Nether­lands, Bel­gium and Switzer­land in Ge­or­gia in one fell swoop. My con­cern is that to get them all in at the same time, Switzer­land would end up right next to Alabama. I don’t think the Swiss would like that. They have very high stan­dards in Switzer­land.

Aus­tria would fit per­fectly in the state, run­ning from Dal­ton to Brunswick. Un­for­tu­nately, the area would also in­clude Mal­func­tion Junc­tion, aka, the city of At­lanta, where the sew­ers don’t work and nei­ther do a num­ber of its ci­ti­zens. Since the capi­tol of Aus­tria is Vi­enna, I don’t think Aus­tri­ans would con­sider At­lanta an up­grade over what they al­ready have. I would agree.

Ge­or­gia could also ab­sorb Tai­wan, Bul­garia, Den­mark and Ice­land. I’m not sure what we would do with them but it is nice to know we have the space, even if some­one wanted to throw in Ver­mont and Rhode Is­land for good mea­sure. But then, why would we want Ver­mont and Rhode Is­land? I’d rather have Bul­garia and Ice­land.

I greatly ap­pre­ci­ate the nice peo­ple at SelfS­tor­age. com tak­ing the time to bring this in­for­ma­tion to my at­ten­tion, but I have the feel­ing that there isn’t much in­ter­est in get­ting any of the afore­men­tioned coun­tries to move to Ge­or­gia. They would just clog up our high­ways worse than they al­ready are. How­ever, I would sug­gest we keep our op­tions open to the thought of be­com­ing an independent na­tion. With the choices we are fac­ing this Novem­ber in the pres­i­den­tial elec­tions be­tween Mr. Blather and Ms. Pinoc­chio, that may be our only hope.

To­day’s topic will not in­clude com­men­tary on a bunch of im­ma­ture multi-mil­lion­aires who play a kid’s game and who are be­ing goaded by spe­cial in­ter­est groups into dis­re­spect­ing a coun­try that al­lows them the free­dom to do so.

Nei­ther will I be dis­cussing the cranky mail I got from lib­er­als swear­ing they are re­ally and truly fun­nier than tree fun­gus nor the protes­ta­tions of the PGA (Pre­dis­posed Gag­gle of Athe­ists) who claim that Dr. Gil Wat­son, the World’s Great­est Preacher, did not mildew their self-right­eous knick­ers when he made it rain a few years back (with help from God, of course.) Yeah, right.

In­stead, let us ex­am­ine an­other of the many rea­sons why we are so blessed to live in the Great State of Ge­or­gia, be­yond sweet tea, pecans and Ray Charles Robin­son, of Al­bany, Ge­or­gia. This has to do with our size. Ge­or­gia is the largest state east of the Mis­sis­sippi River and the 24th largest over­all. If we were an independent na­tion, we would be the 92nd largest by area in the world, rank­ing ahead of 108 of the 200 coun­tries cur­rently in ex­is­tence. Eat your heart out, Con­necti­cut.

From whence cometh this fac­toid? From the en­ter­pris­ing peo­ple at SelfS­tor­age.Com. In ad­di­tion to lo­cat­ing, eval­u­at­ing and re­serv­ing self-stor­age fa­cil­i­ties for cus­tomers across the coun­try, they were also clever enough to pique my in­ter­est with a re­cent re­lease that asked, “If Ge­or­gia Were a Stor­age Unit, What Coun­tries Would Fit In­side?” Are these peo­ple good, or what?

For ex­am­ple, did you know we could fit Greece in­side Ge­or­gia, even though a piece of it would ex­tend over to South Carolina, as­sum­ing Greenville and Rock Hill wouldn’t mind the in­tru­sion? There might be some con­fu­sion about hav­ing two cities named Athens. There is one in Greece and we have one in Ge­or­gia. Their Athens has the Parthenon and a lot of stat­ues of de­funct gods. Ours has the Univer­sity of Ge­or­gia, the old­est state-char­tered univer­sity in the na­tion. That’s the only Athens we need, thank you very much.

Ire­land would fit nicely in our state, run­ning roughly from Hartwell to Bain­bridge. I would love to have Ire­land if they would bring their breath­tak­ing scenery with them. On the other hand, we would have a de­ci­sion to make about Korea. It turns out we could squeeze ei­ther of them into the state, but not at the same time. South Korea, I wouldn’t mind, but I don’t think we want that lit­tle fat squat with the big mouth and the bad hair­cut from North Korea.

The same is true for Nicaragua. If we took in Nicaragua, we would prob­a­bly have to take per­sim­mon-pussed ac­tor Sean Penn, who def­i­nitely isn’t as funny as tree fun­gus and loves Nicaraguan Pres. Daniel Ortega, who hates Amer­ica. I had just as soon have that lit­tle fat squat from North Korea run­ning around our state as Sean Penn.

If we wanted to get greedy, we could put The Nether­lands, Bel­gium and Switzer­land in Ge­or­gia in one fell swoop. My con­cern is that to get them all in at the same time, Switzer­land would end up right next to Alabama. I don’t think the Swiss would like that. They have very high stan­dards in Switzer­land.

Aus­tria would fit per­fectly in the state, run­ning from Dal­ton to Brunswick. Un­for­tu­nately, the area would also in­clude Mal­func­tion Junc­tion, aka, the city of At­lanta, where the sew­ers don’t work and nei­ther do a num­ber of its ci­ti­zens. Since the capi­tol of Aus­tria is Vi­enna, I don’t think Aus­tri­ans would con­sider At­lanta an up­grade over what they al­ready have. I would agree.

Ge­or­gia could also ab­sorb Tai­wan, Bul­garia, Den­mark and Ice­land. I’m not sure what we would do with them but it is nice to know we have the space, even if some­one wanted to throw in Ver­mont and Rhode Is­land for good mea­sure. But then, why would we want Ver­mont and Rhode Is­land? I’d rather have Bul­garia and Ice­land.

I greatly ap­pre­ci­ate the nice peo­ple at SelfS­tor­age. com tak­ing the time to bring this in­for­ma­tion to my at­ten­tion, but I have the feel­ing that there isn’t much in­ter­est in get­ting any of the afore­men­tioned coun­tries to move to Ge­or­gia. They would just clog up our high­ways worse than they al­ready are. How­ever, I would sug­gest we keep our op­tions open to the thought of be­com­ing an independent na­tion. With the choices we are fac­ing this Novem­ber in the pres­i­den­tial elec­tions be­tween Mr. Blather and Ms. Pinoc­chio, that may be our only hope.

Yar­brough

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