Mom dis­likes daugh­ter’s boyfriend

The State (Sunday) - - Palmetto - BY JEANNE PHILLIPS Torn In Mas­sachusetts

DEAR ABBY: I have been see­ing this guy for nine months. We had a good re­la­tion­ship, but then it hit a bump in the road. He was told some false in­for­ma­tion about me, and in­stead of giv­ing me the ben­e­fit of the doubt, he im­me­di­ately as­sumed it was true. He said nasty things to me, called me hor­ri­ble names, and we didn’t speak for a month. Once we came back into con­tact, I for­gave him.

My mother told me I can do bet­ter than him, and I should for­get about him al­to­gether. I tried to ex­plain how I feel about him and how I want to move on. She hasn’t had a change of heart. So now I sneak around with him and leave my mother out of the loop.

I want to re­spect her opin­ion, but I do not want to give up the guy I love. Help! DEAR TORN: I can’t sal­vage this ro­mance and nei­ther can you. There’s a term for peo­ple who call oth­ers “hor­ri­ble names and say nasty things” to them. They are called “ver­bal abusers,” and the ef­fects of what they say can be last­ing. An ex­am­ple would be the way his ac­cu­sa­tions have af­fected your mother, who thinks her daugh­ter de­serves bet­ter, and your re­la­tion­ship with her.

Sneak­ing around is im­ma­ture and dis­hon­est. A guy who would help you do that is noth­ing to brag about. If he loved you as much as you say you love him, he would have apol­o­gized not only to you but also to your mother. If he had, she might have changed her opin­ion about him.

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