Mom sab­o­taged art school dreams

The State (Sunday) - - Palmetto - BY JEANNE PHILLIPS Could-be Artist In Ten­nessee

DEAR ABBY: My mother re­cently con­fessed that she sab­o­taged my chance to go to my dream school (with a nearly full schol­ar­ship) be­cause she didn’t ap­prove of my want­ing to go to art school. I missed my ori­en­ta­tion be­cause she “got the date wrong” and then told me the school re­fused to resched­ule. The truth is she never con­tacted them.

She has used that in­ci­dent as “proof” that I didn’t know how to make good de­ci­sions. Ev­ery time we talked, she’d re­mind me that every­thing I was do­ing was a mis­take, a waste of time or both. Fi­nally, I had to cut off con­tact with her, but my con­fi­dence and self-worth have never fully re­cov­ered.

Now, nearly 20 years later (af­ter a very rocky, un­sta­ble rec­on­cil­i­a­tion), she has con­fessed she torched my dream on pur­pose. She said she was sorry, but im­me­di­ately fol­lowed it up by say­ing I should be grate­ful to have a sta­ble job.

She re­fuses to go to coun­sel­ing. Must I just suck it up and let it go? DEAR COULD-BE ARTIST: You should not suck it up! You now un­der­stand that your mother isn’t some­one to be trusted. Be­cause of this, you will have to emo­tion­ally eman­ci­pate from her. Coun­sel­ing can help you, and that’s what I ad­vise.

Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

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