Wed­ding kept un­der wraps may come to light dur­ing di­vorce

The Sun News (Sunday) - - Puzzles - BY JEANNE PHILLIPS Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

DEAR ABBY: I’m hop­ing you can help me with this sit­u­a­tion. I have been mar­ried for 13 years but never told my fam­ily that I got mar­ried. I now want to di­vorce my hus­band, but I don’t know how to ap­proach it be­cause he holds it over my head. Please help. I have fallen in love with some­one else and I need to di­vorce my cur­rent hus­band and move on, but I don’t know how to tell my fam­ily. Stuck In The Mid­west

DEAR STUCK: Ob­vi­ously, you and your fam­ily aren’t close. What is he hold­ing over your head? The fact that you were mar­ried? Your fam­ily can’t miss some­thing they have never had – in this in­stance, a re­la­tion­ship with the spouse you hid from them. So al­though they may be dis­ap­pointed that you with­held the in­for­ma­tion, don’t ex­pect them to grieve his “loss.”

You didn’t men­tion how long you’ve been in­volved with this other man, but you should not rush into an­other mar­riage. Per­haps this mess will teach you how im­por­tant it is to live openly and hon­estly and not sweep things – like a hus­band – un­der the rug. DEAR ABBY: Crazy ques­tion, but a se­ri­ous one. Christ­mas is com­ing, so please an­swer quickly. When car­ol­ers come to the door, what’s the po­lite re­sponse to them? Where we live it’s usu­ally bit­ter cold and snowy. Do you stand out there on your porch, just keep the door ajar, in­vite them in­side, serve them hot choco­late, cof­fee?

I’ve been ill at ease for years, and al­though it’s a tra­di­tion that seems to be

fall­ing by the way­side, I’d like to know what you have to say about it. Thank you so much. I en­joy read­ing your col­umn. Mar­cia In Eastern Wash­ing­ton

DEAR MAR­CIA: All you need to do is give the car­ol­ers a heart­felt thank you for their ef­forts. While one might be tempted to of­fer them a hot bev­er­age – cof­fee or tea – a milky drink is not good for a per­former’s throat, and it also might cause them to have to make fre­quent pit stops on their route, which would be coun­ter­pro­duc­tive.

DEAR ABBY: Re­cently a fam­ily mem­ber, an ex­sis­ter-in-law, sent out in­vi­ta­tions on Face­book for her re­tire­ment party. A week af­ter ev­ery­one had ac­cepted, she posted that in or­der to at­tend, guests would have to buy a ticket for $50. I find this very tacky.

It’s not so much the $50, but the way it was pre­sented. This woman was a pro­fes­sional with a great job. She has a large home and drives a lux­ury car. When I asked other fam­ily mem­bers and friends how they felt, for the most part they agreed with me. Need­less to say, I will not be go­ing. What do you think? Ap­palled Out West

DEAR AP­PALLED: I think that, un­der the cir­cum­stances, you should in­form your for­mer sis­terin-law that since you re­ceived the in­vi­ta­tion your plans have changed, so you will be un­able to at­tend af­ter all. And when you do, don’t for­get to wish her well in her re­tire­ment.

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