Teacher’s spouse is concerned by toll the job has taken
DEAR ABBY » My husband’s job brings him a great deal of unhappiness, but he doesn’t want to quit. He has been a high school Spanish teacher for 13 years. It’s the only career he’s ever known. There have always been ups and downs, but the problems over the past few years seem to be that the majority of kids at his school, and the school environment in general, has become increasingly apathetic, dysfunctional and lacking in civility.
He hesitates because he knows that if he left, he would lose interaction with the few kids who make his workdays worthwhile, plus he’d be giving up his pension. He is afraid that another job, if there is even one that he’s qualified for, would only make him unhappy in a different way. He comes home seriously downtrodden more days than he comes home feeling OK, let alone happy, and I feel so helpless. What should I do?
— Teacher’s Wife
in New York
DEAR WIFE » Remind your husband how important the work he’s doing is, and that his efforts are appreciated by at least some of the students he is trying to teach. He is performing a service that will help those kids who do pay attention for the rest of their lives. I speak from experience.
When I was in high school, like many teens who hadn’t been exposed to international travel, I thought the whole world spoke English. My heroic Spanish teacher, Ruben Beltran, somehow managed to force a rudimentary knowledge of Spanish grammar and vocabulary into my shrunken head. I have used what he taught me so many times, because Spanish has become increasingly prevalent where I live.
In years to come, students who make the effort will remember your husband with respect and gratitude. Please tell him I said so, and not to take the dysfunction personally. In recent years, I have often thought group therapy should be offered in the teachers lounge.
P.S. If he continues to be unhappy, he might benefit from talking to his financial adviser and possibly a career counselor about his options. He should also keep his eye open for other jobs while he’s still employed at the school.
DEAR ABBY » I started dating a guy two months ago. It’s going really well. I believe we are both on the same page on how invested we are in the relationship. My brother and sister-inlaw are having an informal wedding reception next month here in my town, because they had a shotgun wedding originally. It’s supposed to be very casual. This guy met my sister-inlaw, and right in front of him, she mentioned I can bring a guest.
I kind of laughed it off at the time. It’s not that I don’t want him there, I just wonder if it’s too early to invite him to an event where my whole family will be and if it would seem like I am rushing the relationship.
— Uncertain in the West
DEAR UNCERTAIN » Because this person knows about the party, why not ask if he would be “interested” in going? I hardly think that telling someone he is welcome would come across as pushy.
The SoCal Indie Bestseller List for the sales week ended May 15 is based on reporting from the independent booksellers of Southern California, the California Independent Booksellers Alliance and IndieBound. For an independent bookstore near you, visit IndieBound.org.
HARDCOVER FICTION
1. Young Mungo: Douglas Stuart
2. The Candy House: Jennifer Egan
3. City on Fire: Don Winslow
4. Trust: Hernan Diaz
5. Book of Night: Holly Black
6. Time Is a Mother: Ocean Vuong
7. Sea of Tranquility: St. John Mandel
8. The Ravaged: Norman Reedus
9. Elektra: Jennifer Saint
10. The Lioness: Chris Bohjalian
Emily
HARDCOVER NONFICTION
1. Finding Me: A Memoir: Viola Davis
2. Crying in H Mart: A Memoir: Michelle Zauner
3. The Palace Papers: Inside the House of Windsor — the Truth and the Turmoil: Tina Brown
4. I’ll Show Myself Out: Essays on Midlife and Motherhood: Jessi Klein
5. Hello, Molly!: A Memoir: Molly Shannon, Sean Wilsey
“Young Mungo,” by Douglas Stuart, is the top-selling hardcover fiction release at Southern California’s independent bookstores.
6. Anna: The Biography: Amy Odell
7. Freezing Order: A True Story of Money Laundering, Murder, and Surviving Vladimir Putin’s Wrath: Bill Browder
8. Taste: My Life Through Food: Stanley Tucci
9. The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living: Ryan Holiday, Stephen Hanselman
10. Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones: James Clear
MASS MARKET
1. The Catcher in the Rye: J.D. Salinger
2. The Ocean at the End of the Lane: Neil Gaiman
3. Women Who Run With the Wolves: Clarissa Pinkola Estés
4. The Wise Man’s Fear: Patrick Rothfuss
5. Bridgerton: An Offer From a Gentleman: Julia Quinn
6. Mistborn: The Final Empire: Brandon Sanderson
7. The Last Wish: Andrzej Sapkowski
8. Dune Messiah: Frank Herbert
9. Carrie: Stephen King
10. A Matter of Hive and Death: Nancy Coco
TRADE PAPERBACK FICTION
1. Book Lovers: Emily Henry
2. The Paper Palace: Miranda Cowley Heller
3. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo: Taylor Jenkins Reid
4. It Ends with Us: Colleen Hoover
5. Pachinko: Min Jin Lee
6. Verity: Colleen Hoover
7. Oh William!: Elizabeth Strout
8. The Plot: Jean Hanff Korelitz
9. On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous: Ocean Vuong
10. Funny You Should Ask: Elissa Sussman