Gratitude can change perspectives

This column seeks to help educate our community about emotional healing through grief. People may write questions to Golden Willow Retreat and they will be answered privately to you and possibly as a future article for others. Please list a first name that grants permission for printing.

Dear Dr. Ted:

As we enter this time of Thanksgiving, I was reflecting on the year and seeing how little attention is spent on gratitude in our world. I watched television the other day and focused on most advertisements, which were about what someone “needed” in their lives, and the news and talk shows, which were about what was wrong with the world, how someone didn’t do it correctly or how bad their behavior had been. Even sports are all about a mistake someone made rather than how amazing these people are with their talents. Why has this been so normalized? Wouldn’t it be better if we recognized the human effort as well as all the positive things in the world? Thanks, Duke

Dear Duke,

Your timing is perfect to talk about gratitude. Even for people who do not recognize the holiday of Thanksgiving, any chance to promote gratitude is a good day. This winter season is a great time to remember the importance of gratitude and give thanks for the amazing power of love and abundance in the world.

It is remarkable what the brain does and how difficult it is to have an attitudinal shift from fear to gratitude.

Your brain’s main job is to allow you to survive and decrease pain in the present moment. This part of the brain has a lot of power when you feel fear or anxiety.

In today’s volatile world, it is difficult to not be in an anxious or fearful emotional state. Survival mode makes you less empathetic, and it is challenging to remember that other people are doing their best as well.

Someone may do many great deeds, but if there is a perceived mistake, the person can be immediately demonized and all of the other deeds can be dismissed, leaving the only focus on what is wrong. This is normal for survival reasons, and it seems to be more and more difficult to move into the higher thinking of the brain, which allows for acceptance of differences and perceived mistakes and allows someone to be human.

Currently, a demand for perfection is prevalent, and it is always defined by what someone else perceives as right. Less acceptance exists for people being who they are in that moment and doing the best they can.

The part of your brain that allows you to be patient, forgiving, accepting and open to giving and receiving love is activated when you feel safe. Even as we live in a volatile world, this is possible, but it is dependent on you having internal disciplines that allow you to be aware of the dangers of the world while not dwelling on what is out of your control.

Spending time finding the goodness around you is a secondary impulse, but it can become a beautiful habit that will fill you with a higher level of safety and acceptance of yourself and others. Searching out reasons for gratitude and love can be the best gift you can give to yourself, and it can even resonate out to others.

Thank you for the question. I wish you well. Until next week, take care.

Golden Willow Retreat is a nonprofit organization focused on emotional healing and recovery from any type of loss. Direct any questions to Dr. Ted Wiard, EdD, LPCC, CGC, Founder of Golden Willow Retreat at GWR@newmex.com.