Finding the light within the darkness

This column seeks to help educate our community about emotional healing through grief. People may write questions to Golden Willow Retreat and they will be answered privately to you and possibly as a future article for others. Please list a first name that grants permission for printing.

Dear Dr. Ted:

This time of the year you usually write about the holidays and what a tough and happy time this can be for so many people. It just seems that I’m feeling excited about family coming, and I’m feeling levels of an ambiguous sadness. Please write something about this aspect of this time of the year.

Thanks, Dodie

Dear Dodie,

This time of the year can be confusing with different emotions rising like tides, and even rip tides. In addition to many different holidays being recognized, the season is marked by colder temperatures and the shortest amount of daylight. As the cold sets in, and the dark arrives early in the evening, most people have a tendency of going within, literally and metaphorically.

You could compare this tendency to a bear that hibernates. But as a human, you don’t truly hibernate, nor do the demands of your life slow down.

While your body and internal system are saying, “slow down,” the world around you may be increasing in its demands: office parties, shopping, family gatherings, community events, dinners with friends, shoveling snow, decorating the house and anything else that may be on the holiday list. In a world that demands so much daily from most people, these special, loving and fun activities can sadly feel like a burden rather than a pleasure.

Also the societal pressure through mass media, advertisements, conversations, peer pressure and other sources may cause you to feel a collective demand that you are only supposed to be joyful, and any other feelings would seem out of place or wrong. It is important to let go of these societal demands and give yourself permission to feel your emotions and recognize that whatever you are feeling is okay.

With that permission, you can allow a certain level of pressure to be released knowing that emotions come and go, and we can’t control them. We can only control our reactions to those emotions.

Holidays can be a time for you to remember what is important in your world and maybe reach out to important people that have been neglected due to everyday pressures. It can be an introspective time of realigning what is important to you, what will help you react with love and forgiveness. Finding ways to remember what brings you joy and how to cultivate and nurture those feelings can help you be excited to see the sun rise in the morning.

This time of the year brings a level of darkness, and in the midst of that darkness you may remember the power of love and allow the light to seep back into you, honoring joy and sorrow with a new connection, compassion and care for yourself as well as others. I hope you find the things that allow that light to shine in while shedding areas in your world that only bring you darkness.

Thank you for the question. I wish you well. Until next week, take care.

Golden Willow Retreat is a nonprofit organization focused on emotional healing and recovery from any type of loss. Direct any questions to Dr. Ted Wiard, EdD, LPCC, CGC, Founder of Golden Willow Retreat at GWR@newmex. com.