Loss comes in many forms
The changing of one’s body can cause feelings of depression
This column seeks to help educate our community about emotional healing through grief. People may write questions to Golden Willow Retreat and they will be answered privately to you and possibly as a future article for others. Please list a first name that grants permission for printing.
Dear Dr. Ted:
I realized the other day that I had compartmentalized grief, believing that it was for people experiencing loss from death. I also had death as the end of life for a person or animal. Lately, I see that loss comes in many forms and that grief can be used for these other “deaths” as well. Last year skiing, I noticed I was unable to ski as hard on runs and I became tired more easily. It came to me that my body was not able to do the things it used to do, and that caused an enormous feelings of uselessness, depression and futility. I didn’t tell anybody because I thought it was silly and that it didn’t really matter. Today, I realize I am in a grief process with my body changing. Please explore this idea in your article.
Thanks, Linda
Dear Linda:
An enormous part of the grief process is recognizing what is going on within yourself, acknowledging there is an emotional process that is happening and then observing your emotions. If all of us did this to a higher level, healing would happen everywhere.
Our society has trained us not to take time to identify what our emotional world is doing, and not to express or share our process. This is a great mistake, as more emotions are suppressed and repressed due to the disenfranchisement of these subsequent losses in our lives. Your sharing is a great example of identifying a loss, sharing that loss and having the opportunity to transform from your experience into your present place within your life.
There are many types of deaths, from actual physical death to a metaphorical death. When you have a loss, you are no longer the definition of your past self. In other words, when you have a loss, you move into a grieving process which is helping you redefine who you are presently – not the past definition of how you identified yourself.
Your sharing that your body was not performing how it used to in the past is a great example. The old you may have been able to do physical activities in a certain way, which you can’t today. This means the historical way you identified yourself is no longer; the historical identification has died and you are redefining your perception of “you” into the present realities of your life.
This may sound sad, and yes, that may be a factor. It may also be a jovial situation. You may start to use more wisdom within your skiing rather than physical strength. You go home sooner and spend time with family. Sad, happy or somewhere in the middle, taking time to honor the changes in your life allows you to be more conscious and adapt to the present, rather than holding onto the past. This lets you adapt to what is the reality of today, nurturing the wisdom you have gleaned and stepping into your present moment with a conscious and realistic approach. Through this you can build from a solid foundation to heal, grow and claim your truth.
Thank you for the question. I wish you well. Until next week, take care.
Golden Willow Retreat is a nonprofit organization focused on emotional healing and recovery from any type of loss. Direct any questions to Dr. Ted Wiard, EdD, LPCC, CGC, founder of Golden Willow Retreat at GWR@newmex.com.