The love that you withhold
This morning as I was making my coffee, I had a very strong feeling that I should once again practice the teachings in ‘A Course in Miracles.’ The first time I studied that book was in 2011 and it had helped lift me out of a deep depression.
I grabbed my cup of coffee, took the book off the shelf, blew the dust off it, settled myself on the sofa and opened ACIM. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a small piece of paper flutter from the book to the floor. I picked it up and read, “The love that you withold is the pain that you carry.” The word “withhold” was misspelled but I thought, what the heck, love is imperfect.
And then it hit me. This was a serious message. Here I am, 83 years old and I’m being reminded that this coronavirus-riddled world is only a temporary home and I’d better get cracking making amends before I transition.
If you haven’t heard of it, ‘A Course in Miracles’ is a curriculum for achieving spiritual transformation. Its premise is that the greatest “miracle” is making a conscious choice to experience Love’s Presence in our everyday life.
Although, for the most part, we can’t grow younger in body, we can grow younger in our heart. Withheld love is a heavy burden that acts like an anvil on our chest. ACIM urges us to forgive ourselves and others completely and relieve that suffering.
This pandemic is a remarkable opportunity for transformation. With stay-at-home orders, we have the time to heal old wounds with compassion and thoughtfulness. For me, there are two people I haven’t seen in many years and rarely think of, but when I do, it’s not with loving thoughts. Love withheld from them causes pain that I carry.
Peace is possible. According to ‘A Course in Miracles,’ the role of forgiveness is spiritual awakening. It’s the release of all kinds of judgment for everyone including myself, and asking Love’s Presence for guidance in my thoughts and actions.
Life’s hardest lesson for me is realizing that my greatest teachers are those who have made my life the most difficult. They are the ones who made it toughest for me to choose to live consciously, live lovingly. (Ah, it’s so easy to love when everything is hunky-dory.) Our greatest teachers are those who play a significant role in our awakening – often through enormous pain to both of us.
I feel it’s not necessary to rekindle a relationship with someone you haven’t spoken to for years. For me, the completion process is forgiving all judgments and bringing about an awareness that each and every one of us is perfect in God’s eyes. I want to see everything and everyone through new eyes. Let go of hard feelings. Detach strings.
Even though everyday life feels like I’m a human being who occasionally remembers that I have a Soul, that’s not good enough for this time of my life. I need to remind myself daily that I am a Soul having a human experience. And my Soul is prompting me to get busy handing over my fears and judgments to Love’s Presence and to welcome the guidance I receive.