Stepping into 2023 with doable resolutions

The Taos News has committed to implementing a column to help educate our community about emotional healing through grief. People may write questions to Golden Willow Retreat, and they will be answered privately to you and possibly as a future article for others. Please list a first name that grants permission for printing.

Dear Dr. Ted,

Last night was New Year’s Eve and I started thinking about the last year, losses, victories, sad moments, happy moments and what I would like to change for this new year. I felt so many emotions and it was hard to not get down on myself and think I had to change everything about me. Luckily, I caught myself, enjoyed the evening and decided to just try to be another person. Do you think most people have moments where they believe that they need to change everything in their world?

Thanks, Res

Dear Res,

I’m guessing that Res stands for resolutions, and if not what perfect timing with the name choice and 2023 being the new year. Many people find this to be a time to reflect on where they are in their lives and assess what could be possibly different. There are different benchmarks within the year that give that moment of pause, in which you are given the opportunity to pause and reflect on the past in order to improve your present decision process and future situations.

There has been such an intense level of trauma in the world these past few years that you may have also felt the impact. There has been a collective grief and trauma from an array of events that seem to have shaken all of us. There have been wars, extreme weather events and other environmental concerns, political division, financial hardships, COVID-19 and isolation — the list is long, and all of these different events can have a real impact on a person, which is to say nothing of the challenges every individual faces in their own, personal life.

Stepping into the new year can bring all these different historical moments to the forefront and give you a chance to do an inventory of the last year. What served you, and what did not serve you? Through this inventory process, you may choose to make some resolutions for changes for the following year. A good way to do this is to make sure you make your resolutions doable and incremental. Otherwise you may set yourself up for failure and futility, as the task of change becomes daunting and overwhelming.

I like to think of the inventory being like a kitchen pantry, in which you may wish to open the door of the closed closet, see what is not serving you, what may have spoiled and needs to be discarded, what still gives you sustenance, what was forgotten and can be implemented into your life. Discover how to organize your pantry so it works for you, rather than be overwhelmed by it and avoiding the idea of cleaning it up altogether. If you choose to take on one shelf at a time, and slowly work your way through the pantry, that is doable; day by day, the pantry becomes more orderly, free of what you no longer need or want to have in there.

Taking time to review your year, grieve your losses while claiming your victories and strengths will help you do your inventory, but choose incremental changes while having those changes supported by your strengths. This will lead to doable resolutions to help you step into this year. I like to say that it is good to look back; just don’t stare or you may stumble on what is presently in front of you. Reviewing the past can give wisdom for the present decisions that help you navigate the unknown of the future.

Blessings on this new year and may we all be kinder, more conscious and caring to one another one step at a time. Until the next article, take care.

Golden Willow Retreat is a nonprofit organization focused on emotional healing and recovery from any type of loss. Direct any questions to Dr. Ted Wiard, EdD, LPCC, CGC, Founder of Golden Willow Retreat at gwr@newmex.com or call 575-7762024. Weekly virtual grief groups, at no charge, are being offered to help support emotional wellbeing. Information can be accessed through goldenwillowretreat.org.

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Ted Wiard