Self-love/self-care: A vital precursor for healing

The aroma of freshly cut roses and chocolate permeates the air as children trickle into Enos Garcia Elementary School. Dressed in their finest red, pink and white attire, they excitedly head toward their classrooms, bags of goodies in hand. That’s right, you guessed it; it’s Valentine’s Day.

But while some greet the holiday with a childlike exuberance, others find themselves grappling with feelings of anxiety, sadness and, dare I say, self-loathing. How strange that a day dedicated to love can often trigger such distress.

Lessons from society

Why? Perhaps because we as a society have not fully embraced the idea of loving ourselves. We have been taught to treat others the way we would like to be treated, but how many of us can say that we treat ourselves with kindness and respect? It has occurred to me that society has not adequately modeled healthy forms of self-care, nor clearly differentiated self-indulgence from self-love or self-love from arrogance.

Self-love happens when one holds themself in high regard and behaves in a way that physical, psychological and spiritual growth are supported. Acts of self-care help ensure that an optimal state of well-being is achieved and maintained. Examples include exercise, eating healthy, spending time with friends and loved ones, reading, meditation, prayer and/or solitude for reflection.

Observing children

It was during some pre-Valentine’s activities with students that I realized that self-love/ self-care is a foreign concept to many. As I asked several children to write down their reasons for loving themselves, I was met with confused faces and reluctance. While they could easily rattle off why they love their relatives and friends, it took much more mental effort to describe what makes them lovable. It quickly became my goal to empower these kids to do for themselves what they wish someone would do for them. As wonderful as it is to get recognition and acceptance from others, it is crucial that we teach our children to appreciate what they have to offer and create a safe space to develop their sense of self.

Family center practices

At the family center, we focus on counseling youth and families. Although a child’s mental/ behavioral health issues may be more prevalent than others in the household, it is important that caregivers also take an active role in therapy.

It is difficult for lasting change to occur if the family system does not change as well. A child may have many talents and skills, but they will not truly thrive unless they grow in a loving, stable environment. The importance of affection and words of affirmation should not be overlooked. Children who feel good about themselves tend to have healthier relationships and perform better in school and extracurricular activities and rely less on the rest of the world for validation. Nurturing a child’s sense of security enables them to explore interests and develop beliefs about themselves and the world.

Clear, firm and consistent boundaries at home will provide the safety net for a child to begin practicing self-love/self-care. Moreover, children who see their parents modeling healthy behaviors will begin to model after them. On a day like Valentine’s Day, the child who has learned self-love will define their value not based on how many gifts and kind gestures they receive, but by how they view themselves.

Therapeutic processes

As a therapist, I have been blessed with the opportunity to observe human behavior and have been granted the special privilege of supporting my clients during some of their most trying moments. They may not realize that I am merely a guide, and I do not have the power to “fix” anyone. There is no magic cure, but I can listen, teach, encourage and empower.

Once an individual begins to discover their self-worth, they may discern that they are worthy of change. That is why I believe selflove is the first step toward healing. Making the decision that you are worth investing in is one of the most pivotal decisions that you will ever make.

Ashley Branch is the director of The Family Center program at Taos Behavioral Health, which has the largest licensed and credentialed behavioral health staff in Northern New Mexico. They can be reached at 575-7584297 or taosbehavioralhealth.org.