Acknowledging everyday losses can build resilience

The Taos News has committed to a column to help educate our community about emotional healing through grief. People may write questions to Golden Willow Retreat and they will be answered privately to you and possibly as a future article for others. Please list a first name that grants permission for printing.

Dear Dr. Ted:

I’ve been thinking about the different losses in my life — deaths, divorce and other enormous impacting events — and saw these as my profound moments to make me or break me. Luckily, I’m still chugging along and grieving my losses. The other day, I realized that there are losses everyday that I just don’t acknowledge as there is always change happening. What are your thoughts on this idea that loss is continuous and not often acknowledged?

Thanks, Ariel

Dear Ariel,

This is a great realization that change is inevitable and continuous.

As I write this note back to you, I look out the window and see the beautiful autumn colors magnificently brightening up my day. There is also the realization of change as I think about this past summer that is no longer here as well as the winter that is arriving quickly. My brain will automatically review the past and scan for the future. The key is to come back to the actual moment of today. This is more difficult than you may think, and it takes the grief process to help our brain be in the present moment while not getting caught, but acknowledging, the past or the future.

Change is loss, which means the way you perceive the world around you as well as yourself has been altered. And in this alteration, you redefine yourself to the present moment.

Most people have become accustomed to grief and loss being those profound moments in your life that radically disrupt your way of being in this world. If the “everyday losses” can be acknowledged and felt, this can be an emotional weightroom ASK GOLDEN to WILLOW help build stamina, Ted Wiard

resiliency and consciousness for the losses that seem more profound. Being aware of the everyday losses can also help heal historical losses, as different memories are triggered and released through your emotions, leading to an emotional cleansing. This type of process can also allow you to decrease the amount of time your brain is in a hypersensitive state of feeling the world is not safe.

When your brain feels safer or has released delayed grief, you have the opportunity to be more aware of the amazing joyful events that are happening all the time. All of a sudden, you’re able to truly appreciate the colors of autumn and not be in a place of fearfulness of the future or being yanked back into the past and appreciate the beauty around you. As losses are acknowledged, felt and released, your emotional muscles will be in a healthier place for any losses that will arise in your life. Change gives us the chance to continuously heal and grow so that you can have balance in your life, with joy and sorrow bridging an always changing world.

Until next week, stay safe and take care.

Golden Willow Retreat is a nonprofit organization focused on emotional healing and recovery from any type of loss. Direct any questions to Dr. Ted Wiard, EdD, LPCC, CGC, Founder of Golden Willow Retreat at gwr@newmex. com or call at 575-776-2024. Weekly virtual grief groups, at no charge, are being offered to help support emotional well-being. Information can be accessed through goldenwillowretreat.org.