The secret delight of civility
We drivers are apparently on our own here in Taos County. Since the pandemic began four years ago, law enforcement has seemed virtually invisible when it comes to policing the roads, and we now have a significant surge in aggressive and dangerous driving. It seems the absence of law enforcement is in direct proportion to the number of drivers who feel entitled to bully and intimidate the rest of us. Speeding is probably the number-one problem, followed by careless lane changes, running four-way stops, tailgating, and on down the line of driving infractions.
This My Turn is not a call to motivate law enforcement to get back on the roads. Rather, it’s a call to citizenship, defined by Merriam-Webster as “the quality of an individual’s responsibility or contribution to his community.” It’s also a public suggestion that we all look at driving as an opportunity to strengthen our spiritual practice.
What is spiritual practice, really? To me, it’s the cultivation of one’s authentic depth, not related to the ego personality. The more gentle and considerate we are, the more our spiritual nature expands. This can apply to driving, as most of us have ample opportunity to sit on the meditation cushion of the driver’s seat and make friends with our better natures.
Generosity, for instance, is a value that can be taken on the road, where it can mean yielding to another, giving a little extra time for the person in front of us to make a turn, sympathizing with a driver’s trepidation as they approach the roundabout, and slowing down when another car enters the road from a side street. In other words, affording the kind of space we treasure for ourselves. Every time we act on our intention to be generous, our internal chemistry changes. Suddenly, a sense of peacefulness and wellbeing flood the mind and body. It’s like a feedback loop: Generosity offered is generosity received. You may not receive it from the person you granted it to but from some more universal source — perhaps the big Out There, where energy flows unrestricted.
The practice of humility is tragically underrated. But I’ve noticed every time I humble myself to give the road to someone else — and even when I witness someone else easing back — it warms and enlarges my whole being. These practices are psychologically beneficial as well. Learning how to yield is a superpower, not a weakness. It develops self-control, which increases one’s sense of self-worth. Perhaps that’s because one becomes more worthy when one is kinder and less damaging to others.
This is also not aimed at reckless drivers. These words will not change their behavior until they are ready to hear them. It’s more intended to acknowledge the conscientious drivers who already practice civility every time they get behind the wheel. It’s a pat on the back to those 98 percent of us who don’t feel like they are entitled to be first and take more. And it’s an encouragement to everyone to see their need to get from point A to point B as a civic-minded spiritual practice.
I believe if enough of us exercise the values of benevolence, patience and grace, eventually even those agitated, aggressive drivers will recognize something has changed in the alchemy of the roadway. They may sense the shift and decide they want to cultivate the experience for themselves. And who knows? With all due respect, we may no longer need to rely on law enforcement — instead finding ourselves able to keep our community even safer than policing could.
My resolution for 2024 is to see each car on the road as a fragile vehicle carrying at least one vulnerable human being, and maybe children or pets, rather than seeing it as just another hunk of steel obstructing my way. To do so is not a sacrifice; it’s a pleasure.
Let the teachings of the ancient texts confirm this wisdom. The roughly 2,500-yearold Tao Te Ching, says:
“The soft overcomes the hard;
The gentle overcomes the rigid. Everyone knows this is true,
But few can put it into practice.”
And the roughly 2,000-year-old New Testament — the book of James, chapter 3, verse 17 — puts it a little differently but says essentially the same thing: “The wisdom that comes from above is first of all pure, then peace-loving, gentle, willing to yield, considerate, full of mercy, impartial and sincere.”