What do desire and boredom have in common?
Understanding grasping and clinging through meditation
Sometimes life can be boring, right? Boredom is a feeling we get when we wish things were different — more exciting or engaging — or as children say, more “fun.”
Essentially, when we’re bored we have the desire for life to be different than it is right now. Buddhism calls this “grasping” and “clinging,” which are said to be caused by thoughts (ideas) of how our mind wants things to be. In an article in LionsRoar, Brother Phap Linh writes, “There’s a popular take on wanting things, which is that if we don’t have what we want, it’s because we just don’t want it enough. According to the ‘law of attraction’ you can have whatever you want if you only want it enough. According to this way of thinking, you can manifest the life you want just by visualizing it clearly. This presupposes the idea that having what you want will satisfy you.” This is the proverbial “if only … then” we get caught up in when wishing for life to be other than it is.
Meditation helps us investigate our thoughts, and by connecting us to sensations in the body, we can investigate the true nature of these mind ideas. We can use our meditation practice “to look at the wanting itself, at the state of wanting.” Since meditation is a present-moment practice,
FAMILIES MEDITATE TOGETHER Anne-Marie Emanuelli
we can observe our emotions relating to boredom to learn how these feelings are mixed up with clinging to the past or grasping toward the future. We may think if only things were different, we’d be more happy, or life would be more fun. There’s also a tendency to get caught up in the “how” of getting what we want. How can I make my life better, more interesting, more fun, more engaging?
In meditation traditions, we are asked to look at the grasping and clinging directly. What does it feel like? Where do I feel this in the body? How would I feel right now if I weren’t wishing things to be different? Can I just be present and grateful for what is already here? We practice letting go of expectations and accepting what is right here in this moment — the only reality there is — instead of wishing for things to be different. When we investigate grasping and clinging, we may realize the discontent is a state of unrest, and we can calm this through meditation, which is being mindful of what is going on right now by following the breath that connects us to reality.
This month’s practice invites us to focus on the simplicity of the breath as a conduit for noticing what is going on right here, right now. Following the breath as it comes in and goes out of the body is a practice the entire family can do together, including children. The instructions are pretty simple and remind us of what mindfulness means: being aware on purpose and without judgment of what’s going on through the grounding effect of the breath. A 15-minute timer is suggested for this practice.