New hire talks down to fellow employee
Dear Harriette: There is a new girl at work, and although I have been nothing but friendly and helpful to her, she has this annoying habit of talking to me as if I’m the newbie in the office. Sometimes she even goes to the extent of explaining things that I already know like the back of my hand. I’m very good at my job, and I’ve been promoted several times since I started working here nearly four years ago. I need to have a serious talk with her about why she feels the need to explain things to me. How should I approach her about this?
You’re the Newbie
Dear You’re The Newbie: Stop letting this co-worker get under your skin. You know your job. Be confident in that. When she starts with her explanations, you have a few choices of how to react. Choose one depending on the nature of the moment. You can ignore her completely. Do not respond. Do not react. Just continue with what you were doing. You can challenge her a bit. Ask her if she is saying these things out loud to remind herself of how to do this task. (It’s true that some people learn better that way.) You can interrupt her and pivot the conversation to another subject. Or you can walk away.
Dear Harriette: I recently had an uncomfortable experience during a Zoom call with two female work colleagues. While waiting for the rest of our team to join the call, we started discussing our nails and showing our manicures to the camera. One colleague made a thoughtless comment about how both mine and the other colleague’s nails were “a little too ghetto” for her. The problem is that the woman who made that comment is white, and the other colleague and I are Black. While I knew she was joking, the joke didn’t go over too well with the other colleague. I have a closer relationship with the woman who made the joke, so I feel the need to fix this situation before the other colleague complains to the higher-ups. How do I fix the situation without getting the white colleague fired?
Bad Joke
Dear Bad Joke: That joke was definitely in poor taste. Speak to the offender and let her know she crossed a line when she made that comment. Explain that calling something “ghetto” is inappropriate and has no place at work. Suggest to her that she apologize to your other colleague, admitting that she made a mistake and did not mean to offend either of you. People make mistakes. It’s how they handle the aftermath that is essential. In this case, the offender has an opportunity to learn and correct her microaggression. But she needs to understand that it was wrong. Otherwise, it will just be lip service.
You can make your recommendation to her, but don’t defend her. She was wrong. She has to make up for her behavior. Don’t make the mistake of getting mixed up in her mess.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.