Wife doesn’t include spouse during family trip
Dear Harriette: During a family trip with my in-laws this holiday season, everyone gathered, including my wife and her sister, brother-in-law and nephew. I’ve never been close to my wife’s family. They’ve made jokes insinuating that I’m snobbish due to our differing backgrounds. On Christmas Eve, I found out that there was a planned lunch to which everyone was invited except me. My wife mentioned they assumed I wouldn’t enjoy the food and decided I’d prefer my own plans. I ended up skipping lunch when they invited me after I asked about it and booking the first flight home without notifying anyone. Was this an overreaction on my part?
I’m Out
Dear I’m Out: You got their attention, that’s for sure. Could you have handled the situation differently? Yes. But to be left out in the way that you were had to have felt like complete rejection. That your wife was part of it only makes the whole situation worse.
I do have to ask you if you make an effort to be cordial with your wife’s family. You don’t have to be best friends, but it is wise to find ways to enjoy their company. If you are a grouch when you are together, they may be justified in leaving you out. Reflect back on your behavior to assess whether “snobbish” is the right word – or is it “rude”? How do you treat them?
Talk to your wife about the situation. Work together to figure out a way for you to spend time with her family without it being hostile. The goal is for it to be warm and friendly.
Dear Harriette: I’ve reflected on my New Year’s resolutions over the years and realized I haven’t achieved many of my significant goals. This sense of falling short leaves me feeling like I’ve failed. How can I manage to overcome these feelings of failure and setback? What methods or strategies have proven most effective for you in dealing with rough patches when your goals seem out of reach?
Failure
Dear Failure: It seems like New Year’s resolutions are made to be broken. Be wary of them. Instead, identify specific goals that you have. From that list, pick one that is measurable and achievable and then map out a plan of action to manifest it. List small steps that lead up to the big goal. By accomplishing little things day by day, you build up the confidence to keep going. When things don’t go well and you experience setbacks, don’t give up. Go back to your list and select something to focus on completing. Give yourself a deadline for completion. Do everything in your power to meet that deadline. Celebrate the small victories. This will give you energy to keep up the hard work.
When you don’t meet a goal and feel deflated as you reflect on your life, stop that negative thought spiral. Instead, choose to highlight a goal once again. Know that you can restart your commitments whenever you want to do so. Instead of lamenting what you haven’t been able to finish, cheerlead yourself on to a new victory. Enlist the support of friends who will rally on your behalf. That only helps you to stay the course!
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.