Outfielder invokes spirit of Gaylord Perry
Rays center fielder Kevin Kiermaier threatened to cover his entire body with Vaseline to ward off the frigid opening-week temperatures in New York.
Too bad he didn’t follow through: Braking his slide into second might have proved interesting.
Burfict Storm Dept.
Bengals linebacker Vontaze Burfict will serve his third straight season-opening NFL suspension, with 3-, 4- and 5-game bans to his credit.
On the bright side, though, he’s just a 2 or a 6 from filling a small straight in Yahtzee.
■ If Kansas’ basketball coach takes a photo of himself, is that a Selfie squared? ■ Does Boise State’s beachvolleyball court feature blue sand?
Get a whiff of this
Bonus distance event to commemorate future Yankee home openers: the Giancarlo Stanton 5-K Run.
Nashville Predators fan Briley Meeks, angry over a controversial call, mailed two catfish to NHL headquarters in Toronto last week.
Inquiring puck minds are dying to know: So how’d he land the fish — hooking or spearing?
Pac-12 fans say the conference’s 1-8 record in bowl games and 0-3 mark in the NCAA men’s basketball tournament are mostly due to: a) A small sample size b) A random dip in talent c) East Coast bias
Talking the talk
■ Darcy Smith, as quoted in Salt Lake City’s Deseret News, after her husband Craig asked her if — in her wildest dreams — she thought he’d be the new Utah State basketball coach: “Baby, you’re not even in my wildest dreams.”
■ Cardinals strength and conditioning coach Buddy Morris, to The Arizona Republic, on the NFL team’s first day of offseason workouts: “I saw some great things. I saw some things that make me want to go home and drink heavily.”
■ TBS’ Conan O’Brien, on YouTube planning a “Karate Kid” sequel series 34 years after the original movie: “The show is entitled ‘Ralph Macchio’s Mortgage Is Due.’”
■ Tom Verducci of SI.com, on the odds of the Mets’ starting pitchers staying healthy: “Like expecting Lucy to keep the ball on the ground, laces away, for Charlie.”
■ RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, after USA Today quoted a Behr paint expert saying that tennis balls are neither green nor yellow: “Which tells us it was a really slow day in sports.”