Out­fielder in­vokes spirit of Gay­lord Perry

The Times-Tribune - - Top Of The Second - BY DWIGHT PERRY

Rays cen­ter fielder Kevin Kier­maier threat­ened to cover his en­tire body with Vase­line to ward off the frigid open­ing-week tem­per­a­tures in New York.

Too bad he didn’t fol­low through: Brak­ing his slide into sec­ond might have proved in­ter­est­ing.

Bur­fict Storm Dept.

Ben­gals line­backer Von­taze Bur­fict will serve his third straight sea­son-open­ing NFL sus­pen­sion, with 3-, 4- and 5-game bans to his credit.

On the bright side, though, he’s just a 2 or a 6 from fill­ing a small straight in Yahtzee.

Just won­der­ing

■ If Kansas’ bas­ket­ball coach takes a photo of him­self, is that a Selfie squared? ■ Does Boise State’s beachvol­ley­ball court fea­ture blue sand?

Get a whiff of this

Bonus dis­tance event to com­mem­o­rate fu­ture Yan­kee home open­ers: the Gian­carlo Stan­ton 5-K Run.

Game mis­con­duct

Nashville Preda­tors fan Bri­ley Meeks, an­gry over a con­tro­ver­sial call, mailed two cat­fish to NHL head­quar­ters in Toronto last week.

In­quir­ing puck minds are dy­ing to know: So how’d he land the fish — hook­ing or spear­ing?

Sports quiz

Pac-12 fans say the con­fer­ence’s 1-8 record in bowl games and 0-3 mark in the NCAA men’s bas­ket­ball tour­na­ment are mostly due to: a) A small sam­ple size b) A ran­dom dip in tal­ent c) East Coast bias

Talk­ing the talk

■ Darcy Smith, as quoted in Salt Lake City’s De­seret News, af­ter her hus­band Craig asked her if — in her wildest dreams — she thought he’d be the new Utah State bas­ket­ball coach: “Baby, you’re not even in my wildest dreams.”

■ Car­di­nals strength and con­di­tion­ing coach Buddy Mor­ris, to The Ari­zona Repub­lic, on the NFL team’s first day of off­sea­son work­outs: “I saw some great things. I saw some things that make me want to go home and drink heav­ily.”

■ TBS’ Co­nan O’Brien, on YouTube plan­ning a “Karate Kid” se­quel series 34 years af­ter the orig­i­nal movie: “The show is en­ti­tled ‘Ralph Mac­chio’s Mort­gage Is Due.’”

■ Tom Ver­ducci of SI.com, on the odds of the Mets’ start­ing pitch­ers stay­ing healthy: “Like ex­pect­ing Lucy to keep the ball on the ground, laces away, for Char­lie.”

■ RJ Cur­rie of Sport­sDeke.com, af­ter USA To­day quoted a Behr paint ex­pert say­ing that ten­nis balls are nei­ther green nor yel­low: “Which tells us it was a re­ally slow day in sports.”

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