Sadistic jokes played on family member
Dear Annie: When I was little, my mother would insist, “I’m not your mother.” I’d be convinced and start to cry. Then she would say, “I’m just kidding.” As a 6-year-old, I was afraid of the vacuum. She unplugged it and told me it was OK to sit on it. When I did, she turned it on and scared me to death. When I was a teen, she said, “No one will ever want you.” When I reached my 20s, she told me I was an unwanted pregnancy.
My entire life, I’ve been the butt of her “jokes.” Any kindness from her comes with the price tag of putting up with her nastiness. Honestly, I feel bullied. Nothing I say or do is good enough. The days of expecting her approval are long past, and I know she will never give me the positive acceptance I crave. But where do I go from here? -- Grown Up
Dear Grown Up: No stable person would play such sadistic practical jokes on her child. It’s possible this is the way your mother was raised or, just as likely, she suffers from some type of mental illness. Knowing this might help you respond to her sickness with a more distant compassion, instead of making it a reflection on you or your relationship. Please contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness (nami.org) at 1-800-950-NAMI (1-800-9506264) for more information.
Dear Annie: I have recently been invited to a wedding where the only gifts requested were contributions to the honeymoon. Included in the wedding invitation was a card with directions for accessing the “Honeymoon Fund” website so I could make a donation. On the website were explicit instructions from the couple saying they’d like the donation made prior to the wedding so they could plan ahead. The website fund is broken down into specific items ($20 for breakfast in bed, $80 for a couple’s massage or $100 toward a down payment on a house). Am I old-fashioned, or is it still considered tacky to tell your guests that you want money (and only money) and ask for it in advance? If I donate online, do I still give a card to the couple at the wedding? Please rush your answer so I can donate early. -- Bring Back Wedding Etiquette
Dear Etiquette: Yes, it’s still tacky to tell your guests what to give you. Of course, bridal registries were created to make it easier for people to help the couple stock their new home. And since many couples live together these days, they do not need dishes. But a honeymoon used to be a personal, romantic gift from the bride and groom to each other. Aunt Mildred shouldn’t be paying for it. We say get them whatever you want.